


i see it, i like it, i want it, i got it

by amaelamin



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Canon Compliant, Crushes, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, M/M, Most of the time, Pining, Suh Youngho | Johnny is a Good Friend, also, johnny is also Tired, lee donghyuck is a boss bitch, mark lee is adorable, that's a good tag that basically summarises everything i write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:07:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 35,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22936825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amaelamin/pseuds/amaelamin
Summary: “So you - you just-” Taeil tried, and then stopped, absently fanning his blushing face in a way that had Donghyuck wanting to die at how cute he was. “You want to basically skip to the next level? Like in a game? With a cheat code?”“Hyung,” Donghyuck exclaimed, strangely delighted despite himself. “You got it. Why waste useless hours trying to beat the level on my own when I could have help progressing?”a.k.a. hyuckie is tired of being a virgin, pls send help.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Moon Taeil
Comments: 204
Kudos: 1058





	1. every avalanche has a tipping point

**Author's Note:**

> my god this fic was supposed to be 3k max of smut and suddenly it's 13k of ..this someone pls help me. posting this part first because i've spent days doing nothing but writing this and i need it to release me aaaaa
> 
> please note:  
> \- ages depending on who's talking (korean vs int'l ages)  
> \- 127's living arrangements: doyoung, taeyong, johnny & hyuck on the lower floor, yuta & taeil, jaehyun & jungwoo, mark on the upper floor

Donghyuck’s phone buzzed and when he saw who’d just kakao’d him he glared at the text with open disdain.

_11.24pm - when can i see you again?_

“Hopefully never,” Donghyuck muttered with feeling, trying not to let his brain throw up any memory of what had happened earlier that day in the company’s basement two bathroom, a horribly, unspeakably dissatisfying conclusion to weeks of his precious time and effort invested in what he thought would end in him finally finding out _at the very least_ what the big deal about blowjobs was but. BUT. 

Too late; the text and the name linked to the face of the boy which linked to his mouth which linked to the exact way his back teeth had scraped excruciatingly over the sensitive head of Donghyuck’s hopeful cock a few hours ago and present-Donghyuck squeezed his eyes shut tight in a silent prayer for amnesia. His cock had deflated in record time, along with his faith in boys and life in general.

Donghyuck made up his mind in one fell swoop. He was too goddamn pretty to be suffering like this.

“Johnny hyung,” Donghyuck started sweetly, shoving his phone under his pillow and turning onto his side to face Johnny lying in his own bed. He widened his eyes, trying to look as fetching as he could in the low light coming from the bedside lamp in between them.

“Uh-oh,” Johnny murmured, not looking away from his own phone he was scrolling through. “That voice means trouble.”

“What voice? My voice?”

“Mhm. Generally when you use that tone trouble is usually not far behind. Can it wait till tomorrow? Let me have one last peaceful night’s sleep first?” 

Donghyuck _tsked_ sharply at him, getting off his own bed and climbing on top of Johnny to straddle his thighs so that Johnny had no choice but to put his phone down and focus all his attention on Donghyuck. “Hyung. You love me, right?”

Johnny raised an eyebrow, deadpan. “And here it comes. Why?”

“Why, what?” Donghyuck asked, smiling winningly.

“Why are you asking me this?”

“Why are you being so suspicious?”

“Are you telling me you _don’t_ want something?”

Donghyuck scowled and sat back more heavily on Johnny such that Johnny, wincing, had to pull him higher up his legs to take the pressure off his knees.

“Oh, hello,” Donghyuck grinned when he settled just shy of Johnny’s hips, thin sleep shorts riding dangerously up his own thighs. 

“Demon child, what are you up to now?” Johnny asked tiredly, and Donghyuck decided to take pity on him. 

“Hyung, you’re twenty-six, right?”

“Twenty-five,” Johnny replied instantly out of habit. “I’ll never get used to the whole korean age thing.”

“Okay, Chicago,” Donghyuck said. “Anyway. When did you have sex for the first time?”

Johnny just stared, and Donghyuck could actually see the awkwardness of allowing Donghyuck to sit on him in this position while asking him about losing his virginity bloom across his face. 

“What.”

“I’m serious. When?”

Johnny gave up and gestured vaguely in the air. “Eighteen?”

“Girl or boy?”

“What is this, twenty questions?”

“Okay, not important right now, but know that I’m going to weasel it out of you eventually. Basically, if you’re twenty-five now, and you first had sex at eighteen, that means you’ve had more or less seven years of experience from then till now. Which means that you should be passably good at it, right? Or at least not _bad_?”

Johnny paused, then smirked. “Well, I mean - sure hope so. Never had any complaints.”

“Exactly,” Donghyuck nodded with satisfaction. “What I need is a man, not a boy. Definitely not a boy who came within two minutes of me putting my hand down his pants and then nearly bit my dick off because he’s never blown anyone before.”

“Ah,” Johnny said delicately, trying very, very hard not to laugh. “Anyone I know?”

Donghyuck waved a hand dismissively. “He’s dead to me now. I should have known better. Why do I keep doing this to myself, hyung? This is like, the second time I’ve tried to hook up with someone only for me to want to run away ten minutes in. Fuck all these inexperienced boys.” 

“Says the inexperienced boy. So what you’re trying to get at is,” Johnny folded both hands behind his head, amused. “You want an older man? For sex? Oh my god, Lee Donghyuck.”

“I’m _tired_ of fumbling around with someone else who doesn’t know what they’re doing either, hyung. I don’t want to give some fool my virginity and have it be a memory I’m forever embarrassed by. You know? I deserve better than that!”

“Well, I guess,” Johnny answered sympathetically, and then his eyes bulged abruptly as the entirety of the conversation caught up to him. “Wait-”

“So will you fuck me?”

Johnny looked for a second like he was either going to explode into raucous laughter or start yelling before he remembered it was almost midnight and took deep breaths to calm himself. “No, thanks.”

It was truly rare that Donghyuck was ever speechless, and the strength of his shock only served to send Johnny off into a round of helpless giggles. 

“What do you mean, ‘no thanks’?” Donghyuck hissed scathingly once he’d found his voice again. “Are you out of your mind? This is _me_ asking. Have you _seen_ me? How often is this going to happen to you in your lifetime?”

“Oh, your self-confidence,” Johnny grinned fondly, squeezing one of Donghyuck’s thighs and still struggling with the hilarity of being propositioned so plainly. “I’m honoured, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Why not!”

“Look, some people can fuck without feelings - that’s you, clearly - but I’m not one of them. Do you want me to get all weird and clingy after?”

“Really?” Donghyuck made a face. “Never pegged you for that kind, hyung.”

“I am what I am,” Johnny shrugged cheerfully. “I can’t fuck someone and then pretend nothing happened. Actually, not sure I’d even be able to get it up for you in the first place, baby.”

“How _dare_ you.”

Johnny laughed, fending off the not-so-playful punch Donghyuck aimed at his chest and feeling a rush of warm affection at the offended flush on Donghyuck’s cheeks. “It’s not you. You’re beautiful, you know that. I just can’t be attracted to you that way. _Which_ , let’s be very real here, is a fucking good thing.”

“I wouldn’t mind if you were tragically in love with me, hyung,” Donghyuck smiled, coy. 

“Of course you wouldn’t. You want everybody to be in love with you.”

Donghyuck preened. “It’s what I deserve.”

“Uh-huh. So, was I your only option?”

“Who else can I ask, hyung?” Donghyuck complained. “There isn’t exactly a long list of people we know who’re not totally straight to begin with.”

“...Mark?”

Donghyuck stared at Johnny and Johnny stared back at him before they both fell over themselves laughing, weakly trying to shush each other before they woke Doyoung up and he came in to shout at them. 

“Do you want Mark hyung to die? Because that will happen if I ask him. He’ll just collapse right then and there and die.”

“Okay, no,” Johnny wheezed, wiping a tear from his eye. “Not Mark. Though he would actually be a good choice. He’d treat you well.”

“I’m pretty sure it’d be the blind leading the blind, hyung,” Donghyuck said flatly. “I highly doubt he’s had much more experience than me. Or like, at all. He would’ve told me.”

Johnny looked at him thoughtfully then, softly rubbing Donghyuck’s knees with his thumbs. “What about Taeil hyung?”

“Okay, bye.” Donghyuck immediately moved to get off Johnny and escape back to his own bed before Johnny caught him by a wrist and pulled him back. 

“Honestly, I’m really surprised you’re asking me first and not him.”

“I can’t ask him,” Donghyuck mumbled, unable to look back at Johnny and hating himself for it. “You know why.”

“Oh, baby, still?” Johnny soothed, tugging him down and folding a sulking Donghyuck forward onto him into a hug. “This is the longest-running sort-of secret crush I’ve ever heard of. It’s probably a world record.”

“Shut up,” Donghyuck said, thickly muffled by Johnny’s pajamas. 

“You can’t ask him because you wouldn’t be able to take it if he said no, or you’re just too scared to even ask him?”

“Both!”

Johnny rubbed his back for a few more quiet moments before Donghyuck pushed up off of his chest with his hands, embarrassed. “Well, that’s that, then. Guess I’m just doomed forever. I’m going to die a virgin, that’s all!”

“So dramatic,” Johnny shook his head, twisting and reaching to turn off their light once Donghyuck had climbed off him. “You know, if it helps I’m pretty sure that first-time sex is always meant to be awkward and bad. Mine was.”

“Sucks for you, hyung,” came Donghyuck’s blithe reply in the darkness. “My first time is going to be _amazing_. You know, in fifty years when I’m no longer a celebrity and I finally can date and fuck whomever I want without it becoming a huge scandal.” 

Johnny snorted. “All the best.”

**

Unlike the soul-crushing disappointment of that evening, the next day Donghyuck was blissfully happy. 

He usually was, when due to some miracle of cosmic planet alignment and members’ schedule planning he wasn’t trying to vy for Taeil’s attention with three or four other people and just the two of them could be alone together. It didn’t even matter what they did just as long as he had Taeil completely to himself; just like now, pressed drowsily against his side and blessedly soaking in Taeil’s body heat and the scent of his skin. He almost felt like he was floating.

This was enough. This was so much more than enough, more than Donghyuck ever thought he’d be allowed to have, despite the universal law that Donghyuck strongly believed should exist if there was indeed justice on this earth: that what Donghyuck wanted, Donghyuck should be given.

“Hyung, you love me, right?” Donghyuck said softly, tracing patterns on Taeil’s shirt over his stomach. Taeil looked down at Donghyuck lying on his chest and smiled his usual smile when Donghyuck was fishing for attention or affection. They locked eyes for barely a second before Donghyuck quickly looked away, focusing his gaze instead on Taeil’s backpack sitting by the foot of his bed they were lying on.

“You already know I love you,” Taeil said, and then closed his eyes to go back to listening to the new music Jaehyun had recommended him, one airpod in his left ear and the other in Donghyuck’s right. 

_I love you_. So easy, no wondering if Donghyuck was up to something or playing any kind of game, always so accepting and receptive. Taeil had never turned him away, no matter what Donghyuck did or how outrageously he did it. 

_You get to touch him. You get to spend time with him. You get to talk to him about anything. You get to have his attention and love. Don’t ruin it._ This ran nonstop like a mantra through Donghyuck’s mind, but Donghyuck had long suspected that his entire existence was nature’s fuel to the fire of bad ideas and Johnny’s voice saying ‘What about Taeil hyung?’ had played and replayed in his ear so many times it was like the inside of his skull was tattooed with the words. 

This wasn’t ever going to be enough for him. The more Donghyuck got of Taeil, the more Donghyuck wanted; and Donghyuck _wanted_. 

“Hyung?” Donghyuck started, and then immediately panicked for not thinking this through because he was sure Taeil could feel his heart hammering stupidly in his chest. Taeil hummed to show he’d heard Donghyuck, but Donghyuck had already pathetically lost his nerve and he shook his head, closing his eyes. How would he even ask? He was starting to appreciate just how ridiculous he must have sounded to Johnny, and Johnny rejecting him didn’t even matter. If Taeil said no to him - _Enough now, Donghyuck. Let it go._

“When were you going to tell me about that trainee boy you’re seeing?” 

The question was so soft and unassuming that when it finally registered in Donghyuck’s brain through what must have been osmosis he nearly swallowed his tongue. Rushing to push himself up to a sitting position he faced Taeil who was still placidly lying back against his pillows, hair silky soft and whole body so languid Donghyuck wanted to die a little bit. 

“ _What?_ How did you hear- has he been _telling people?_ ”

Taeil blinked and paused the music, taking out his airpod. “No, you just forget that we’re around each other almost twenty-four seven and you’re not exactly the most subtle person in the world. I saw you sneak off to the bathrooms yesterday with him, _after_ you told me you were going to be busy the whole afternoon with vocal training. Plus some trainee that keeps hanging around outside waiting for you while we practice is going to draw attention, you know that. Silly boy,” Taeil grinned, reaching for Donghyuck’s head to muss his hair. 

Donghyuck was dumbfounded, not because he had nothing to say but because he had _too much_ and the words were tangling up his tongue on their way out. 

“I’m not seeing him,” he managed to force out eventually. “We’re not dating or anything. I promise.”

Taeil raised his eyebrows at Donghyuck’s urgent tone, and Donghyuck cursed himself for not being able to play it cool when Taeil thought Donghyuck maybe liked someone and the sad reality was that Donghyuck had been hopelessly carrying a torch for Taeil since the moment he’d met him. Not like Taeil even knew or cared anyway so _oh my god Lee Donghyuck shut your mouth please for once in your life._

“It’s okay, you know? You don’t have to be scared of me knowing.”

“I’m not,” Donghyuck said, and then stopped to breathe, the fading anxiety that had run through him at the thought that people knew about him and the boy making him slightly lightheaded. “I’m just - it’s really nothing. We were just messing around. And it’s over now.”

“Already? You okay?” Taeil asked, letting his hand rest warm on Donghyuck’s knee and the tenderness of it made Donghyuck want to melt right into the mattress. 

“Sure, hyung. It’s not like I was in love with him or anything. No feelings involved at all.”

“Just fooling around?” Taeil laughed. “Just horny teenager things?”

“I’m going to be twenty-one in four months,” Donghyuck stressed, making Taeil laugh even more. 

“Hey, at least one of us is getting some,” Taeil said, pretending to be put out. “Have some fun for the both of us.”

“It wasn’t even good,” Donghyuck muttered, his stupid crushing-on-Taeil heart racing.

“Disappointing, huh?” Taeil grinned at him, and Donghyuck’s stomach swooped towards his toes and then into his throat at the way Taeil was looking at him, but also at the way Taeil knew him. 

“Very,” Donghyuck sighed, sitting back on his hands. “It’s just sad.”

“Sad?” Taeil burst out laughing. “How bad could it have been?”

“Two virgins trying to guess what to do while also trying not to get caught in a public bathroom, hyung, you figure it out.” Donghyuck whined, drowning in a horrible combination of frustration and embarrassment.

“Two-” Taeil stopped for just a beat too long. “You’re still a-”

Donghyuck’s heart lodged itself in his throat, cheeks starting to burn. He didn’t dare look at Taeil, so he stared at the hem of Taeil’s shirt instead. “Yeah.”

“Oh. I thought when you said you were fooling around, you meant- okay. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s no age limit, no rush.”

“I know,” Donghyuck mumbled, sure by now his entire face was on fire right down into his neck. “I mean, I have - done stuff. Kind of. A bit.”

Taeil didn’t reply, and Donghyuck had to silently talk himself into looking up at him, scared of what he’d see. Taeil was smiling at him, looking so fond that Donghyuck’s throat nearly went dry. 

“Whoever it is who you choose to be the first, he’ll be really lucky,” Taeil told him gently, and Donghyuck wanted to cry at the same time he wanted to tear all his clothes off and fucking _jump_ Taeil. How did Taeil always manage to reduce him to this soggy mess?

“Really?” Donghyuck asked, swallowing hard. “Why?”

“What do you mean ‘why?’” Taeil poked him with one foot as if the question was offensive. “Why wouldn’t he be lucky?”

“I think whoever was your first time was even luckier,” Donghyuck blurted out, and Taeil’s eyes went huge. 

“Me?”

“Yeah, hyung,” Donghyuck sighed deeply, taking Taeil’s hand as he surrendered to his mouth running away with him. It was a lost cause. “You’re so sweet, and good, and - hot, I can just-” Donghyuck fortunately managed to snap his mouth shut, mildly horrified that he was going to say he could just imagine how delicious a younger virgin Taeil about to have sex for the first time would have been. He’d thought about it a hundred times, but Taeil of all people didn’t need to know that. Whoever Taeil had trusted then to have that first intimate experience with - god. Donghyuck _burned_. 

Red stole across Taeil’s cheeks as he laughed self-consciously, watching Donghyuck play with his fingers as Donghyuck watched him, wanting nothing but to cover Taeil’s entire flushed face in kisses. 

“What was your first time like, hyung? Johnny hyung says his was bad, and that I should just prepare myself that mine will be too. The way things have been going I believe him.”

“You talked about this with Johnny?” Taeil asked, sitting up properly. 

“Uh, kind of,” Donghyuck nodded, thanking every deity he could think of that Johnny was good with secrets and would never tell anyone else what Donghyuck had asked him, even if it would have made a good ego-boosting brag. “So, was it good?”

“Yeah,” Taeil mused, nodding his head slowly. “It was - I mean. We weren’t exactly together, but - we liked each other? It was a good experience, I don’t regret it.”

“That’s what I’m really trying to avoid,” Donghyuck replied eagerly, strongly pushing down the urge to ask Taeil who it was and to describe it in excruciating detail. “Regretting my first time.”

“What do you mean?” Taeil asked, confused.

“Hyung-” Donghyuck started to tell him just what happened in that bathroom cubicle of shame yesterday but found he just couldn’t. He physically could not bring himself to talk about the embarrassing interactions his dick had had with that boy, not when Taeil was sitting cross-legged in front of him now looking like the most adorable snack he has ever seen and could eat up in one bite. 

“Okay, hyung, think about it this way. There’s this new food you’ve heard about that you’ve never tried before, and so many people tell you that this food is amazing and you really want to try it too but you don’t really know where to start to find this food, and there are not really that many restaurants that you know of that serve it the way you want it to begin with because of your, uh, _special preferences_ ,” Donghyuck warms to his theme, noting how badly Taeil is trying not to smile too obviously at Donghyuck’s choice of metaphor. “And you really don’t want to go to a restaurant that you _think_ serves this food but actually doesn’t, because that would be really embarrassing and possibly a huge disaster, so that’s already the first difficulty. Then, you know that if you went to a restaurant that didn’t really know how to make this food well you’d maybe forever be upset that your first experience of this food wasn’t as great as everyone else said it would be, just because you didn’t go to a restaurant that was really good at making the food, you know? Like what if you never knew how super amazing this food really could be but just because when you did get to eat it it was kinda bleh so you just never really bothered with it anymore?”

Taeil was outright laughing by then, almost doubled over in front of Donghyuck. “Hyuck - Hyuck, are you saying that if your first time isn’t good you’re going to give up on sex forever?”

“No, I’m just saying that when you don’t know any better, why would you not go to a restaurant that has a lot of good reviews and clearly knows what it’s doing with the food rather than just blindly walk into any old place and run the risk of being served a really bad meal? Especially if the restaurant is new and the chef maybe has never cooked this food before? _And_ if you’ve never had this food before and are really excited to try it for the first time and really don’t want anything to spoil this first experience because you know it’s going to be memorable and you don’t want to be let down.”

Taeil blinked a few times, clearly amused to hell and back. “Well - I mean, you definitely do have a point. But you’ve got all the time in the world, Hyuck. Isn’t the fun of it being with someone you like and figuring it out together? Why don’t you want to wait till you’re in a relationship? I think, even if your first time wasn’t perfect it still wouldn’t matter because it’s a precious memory with someone you had feelings for, you know?”

 _Because you’re the only one I want that way and you don’t like me back, and I have to take anything I can get._ The thought hit Donghyuck like a particularly cruel lightning bolt. “In this job, hyung?” Donghyuck scoffed, settling for being dismissive to cover the panging of his heart. Feelings were disgusting. “Don’t be sappy. Look at Jisungie, he doesn’t even have friends his own age. And you want me to wait till I’m in a relationship with someone? It’s hard enough for the straights.”

“The straights,” Taeil repeated faintly. “Can’t say you’re wrong there, but - don’t you think all this is a bit dramatic, Hyuckie?”

“Why is everyone always calling me dramatic when I’m being serious?” Donghyuck demanded. 

“It’s just-” Taeil started and then stopped. “I get it, I do, but. How are you even going to make sure of this? That your first time is going to be good? It’s not like you can look it up online like restaurant reviews.”

“I can if I get someone who’s already got enough experience.”

“Like who?” Taeil challenged, and everything clicked into place as Donghyuck hurtled down the tunnel of inevitability, aware of his mouth opening and forming the words like he’s watching himself from very far away. 

“Like you,” Donghyuck shot back, and then covered his mouth with both hands.

Taeil, stunned, let his jaw go slack as he stared at Donghyuck, searching his face for a hint that Donghyuck was joking. “Me.”

Donghyuck took a deep breath and lowered his hands. No turning back now. “Yes.”

“How - how do you know if I’m good at sex?”

“I’m hoping you are?” 

“ _What?_ ”

“I mean, even if you’re not - not that fantastic in bed,” Donghyuck fumbled, his heart and stomach both doing some kind of crazy latin dance inside of him, “I know you won’t let me down. I know you’ll take care of me, and teach me what to do. It won’t ever be something I look back on and be like, oh my god, cringe, why did I do that? You know?”

Taeil was just staring at him like Donghyuck had grown two heads. “Are you actually serious right now? You want to - with me?”

“I want it to be you, hyung,” Donghyuck said, so embarrassed that he didn’t have to fake how sincere he was. “I know you think I’m being ridiculous about this but I know what I’m doing.”

“So you - you just-” Taeil tried, and then stopped, absently fanning his blushing face in a way that had Donghyuck wanting to die at how cute he was. “You want to basically skip to the next level? Like in a game? With a cheat code?”

“ _Hyung_ ,” Donghyuck exclaimed, strangely delighted despite himself. “You got it. Why waste useless hours trying to beat the level on my own when I could have help progressing?”

“You’re amazing,” Taeil muttered, contemplating Donghyuck. “I’m not sure why I’m surprised, because it’s _you_ , but I still am.”

“You don’t have to say yes,” Donghyuck said quickly, wishing his heart would stop pounding so fast and fighting the sinking feeling in his stomach from Taeil’s reaction. “It’s okay if you don’t want to.”

Taeil exhaled, fixing Donghyuck’s left knee with his eyes. “Is this what you talked about with Johnny?”

“No!” Donghyuck almost fell off the bed. “No. No! I don’t want to sleep with Johnny hyung.” Donghyuck silently congratulated himself on the quick lie, which he immediately regretted at the next serious words out of Taeil’s mouth.

“But you want to sleep with me?”

Donghyuck teetered on the edge of the cliff, taking a deep breath to steady his thoughts. To appear like this wasn’t a big deal and he wouldn’t mind whoever fucking him and potentially put Taeil off, or to totally give himself away and reveal how much this really meant to him and potentially put Taeil off? 

“Well,” Donghyuck swallowed, and committed his soul to God. “I was kind of afraid Johnny hyung’s dick would be too big for me, you know? But I think yours would be manageable.”

There was absolute silence between them until Taeil grabbed a pillow and hit Donghyuck with a scandalised yell, Donghyuck screaming out in laughter as he scrambled to try to save himself from the subsequent hits. 

“Insulting my dick is not the way to get what you want,” Taeil huffed jokingly, trying to get his breath back once he’d gotten in two or three more good whacks. Donghyuck moaned, a bruised but utterly relieved heap at the foot of the bed. 

“Should I praise it instead?” Donghyuck asked, giving his best puppy eyes. 

Taeil just shook his head in amusement, letting himself fall back against his pillows. Donghyuck slowly got up and tentatively slotted himself back into Taeil’s side, hyperaware of any movement Taeil might have made that meant he was uncomfortable. 

They’re both quiet for a time, Donghyuck silently freaking out as Taeil rested one very careful hand on Donghyuck’s waist. Donghyuck felt it like a firebrand. 

“Let me think about it,” Taeil said eventually, Donghyuck hearing his voice reverberate through his chest. “Okay? I don’t want - anything to change between us. And sex can do that.”

Donghyuck nodded, not trusting himself to speak. 

**

**One week later**

Donghyuck sighed. “Hyung, I’m back,” he said, pushing open the door to their bedroom. “They didn’t let me stay in Indonesia so I had to come back.”

Donghyuck had been stuck on the last conversation he’d had with Johnny before he’d left, holding onto it like an anchor to whatever he’d known before. He’d started thinking of it as the very last page of his previous life, as opposed to the new life he was going to start when he came back after this Dream Show concert and had to begin to try to repair his friendship with Taeil. Pretend to never have crossed a boundary he shouldn’t have crossed, pretend Taeil was purely nothing more to him than just a friend - maybe start hanging out more with other members, touch Taeil less. Talk to him less, until Taeil stopped being weirded out and they could go back to some semblance of what they used to be. Johnny really was right - when he opened his mouth trouble followed. 

_“When are you coming back?” Johnny asked, watching Donghyuck race around their room packing before leaving for the airport with the other Dreamies. He’d showed up at almost the last minute, having gone missing almost the entire day with nobody but Johnny knowing whom he was avoiding. After four days of Taeil being the most un-Taeil he could be to those who were watching closely - nervous, spacey, and Donghyuck feeling it like a personal attack - Donghyuck could almost cry from how grateful he was that he had to leave the country for a short while._

_“Three days,” comes the reply. “But I might actually stay there, so here’s goodbye in advance. I’m going to run away and go native.”_

_“Donghyuck.”_

_“Then Taeil hyung can stop acting so weird and overthinking everything and everything can go back to like it was before I opened my fucking big mouth and fucked it all up.”_

_“Hyuckie.”_

_Donghyuck ignored him, swiping one of Johnny’s hoodies into his bag as if he owned it._

_“Look, maybe he’s having trouble processing or whatever, but he loves you so much, Hyuckie-”_

_“Stop.”_

_Donghyuck turned away and Johnny watched Donghyuck’s back rise and fall before he heard a sniffle and was half out of his bed before he knew it._

_“Baby-”_

_“No! Stay there! I’m a boss bitch and I don’t cry. Especially over dumb boys.” Donghyuck lifted his hands to his face to wipe his eyes before turning around to Johnny to fix him with a defiant glare. “I’m not crying, hyung. I’m fine. It’s fine.”_

_Johnny rolled his eyes and sat down again with a soft sigh. “Do you want me to talk to him?”_

_“No. When I come back I’m just going to act like I never said anything and that will give him his way out so he can pretend nothing happened. And then everything will go back to normal.”_

_“So what are you going to do now about your master plan?”_

_Donghyuck snorted, grabbing underwear from his wardrobe. “Maybe I’ll ask Renjun. He’ll either kill me or fuck me, both of which would be welcome. Maybe he’ll fuck me then kill me, even better.”_

_“Listen, baby, I’ve been thinking. I don’t mind doing it? If it means so much to you?”_

_Johnny waited until Donghyuck slowly turned back around from the wardrobe, and then shrank back a little at the look on Donghyuck’s face._

_“Did you just offer to pity-fuck me, hyung?” Donghyuck asked, voice dangerous._

_Johnny thought fast. “No?”_

_“Good. That’s what I thought.” Donghyuck turned back to grab a few more clothes and Johnny exhaled in relief at his narrow escape, wondering if he should let Donghyuck steal another one of his hoodies as a peace offering. They both jumped slightly when just then a manager called out from the living room for Donghyuck to get going and Donghyuck, flustered, hastily surveyed his suitcase for anything he might have missed before banging it shut and zipping it up._

_“Message me when you get there, okay? Have a good show.”_

_“I will,” Donghyuck said, stopping in front of Johnny for a hug, clearly wanting the comfort but refusing to admit it from the way he sank into Johnny’s embrace before briskly wheeling his luggage out of the room._

“Why did you want to stay in Indonesia?”

Donghyuck froze just inside the door, painfully knocking his luggage against his right heel at the sound and sight of Taeil on his bed dressed comfortably for the time of night and Johnny absolutely nofuckingwhere to be seen. 

“Hey,” Taeil smiled at Donghyuck’s nonplussed face. “Welcome back.”

“Hi,” Donghyuck forced his vocal chords to work, jerkily pulling his luggage into the room after him even though all he could hear was screaming inside his head. “Sorry. Thought you were Johnny hyung.”

“He’s gone out for the night. Dinner with Jaehyun, I think.”

 _Wonderful!_ Donghyuck thought, a little hysterically. He didn’t think he would have absolutely zero time to prepare to put his new life into order, but apparently the universe had set him on a steep learning curve. At least Taeil was speaking normally to him again.

“Have you eaten?”

“Yeah, I ate on the plane,” Donghyuck looked up and flashed Taeil a quick smile. “Just really want to shower.”

“Go ahead, I’ll be here. I’ll help you unpack a bit if you open your luggage.”

The shrieking in Donghyuck’s head intensified, mixed with gushes of relief. This is fine! This is fine? Operation Ignore Everything That Happened And Act Normal is go. This is possibly very fine.

Donghyuck escaped to the bathroom, screaming only once into his fist with the shower on at full blast to muffle his voice before finishing up and haphazardly drying his hair. Taeil had seen him literally every which way at this point and there was entirely no reason to need to look good for him, not now. It completely didn’t matter if his hair dried into a bird’s nest, and part of Donghyuck _wanted_ it to. Fuck it. Fuck everything. If Taeil wanted to act now like nothing happened then it just meant everything was going according to plan.

He was considerably calmer by the time he strolled back into his bedroom and closed the door behind him, a sort of nihilistic peace having taken over. 

“What have you been up to, hyung?” Donghyuck asked cheerfully, hanging his towel up to dry before reaching for his skincare. He could see Taeil eyeing his hair sticking up in all directions and felt fiercely proud of it. _See how unaffected I am by you_ , he thought. _Witness me being totally unaffected._

“Thinking about you and what you asked me,” came the soft reply, and like the screech of a record scratch Donghyuck nearly rubbed moisturiser into his eye. 

“I know you noticed I was being weird before you left,” Taeil implored, leaning forward in Donghyuck’s bed. “I’m sorry, it wasn’t your fault. I was just - just trying to work through what could happen. If I’d end up hurting you by accident. I’m sorry I couldn’t talk to you about it, Hyuck.”

Donghyuck pressed his lips together, trying to keep a blank face. “It’s alright, hyung. You don’t have to say yes. You’re clearly not okay with it.”

“That’s not what I- you don’t want to anymore?”

“What?” Donghyuck stalled, mind racing but not able to hold on to a single thought in his roaring brain. 

“This is me saying yes. If you still want - what you told me. Yes.”

“Yes?” Donghyuck repeated weakly, all the strength in his body exiting in one fell swoop. They stared at each other speechlessly until Taeil swallowed and held out a hand to him, beckoning. Donghyuck’s legs moved stiltedly of their own accord, walking him to his bed where Taeil tugged him down by his wrist and shyly took the forgotten tub of moisturiser from him. Donghyuck was _reeling_. Four days of Taeil almost jumping out of his skin if Donghyuck so much as put a hand on his shoulder, three days of not a single text from him or anything while Donghyuck was overseas, and now -

“It scared me how much I couldn’t stop thinking about it,” Taeil confessed, cheeks pink as he kept his eyes on the moisturiser, scooping out a small amount. “And what you said about not being able to have a normal relationship like others your age. And,” his voice dropped even further. “How you said you wanted it to be me.”

Donghyuck couldn’t breathe as Taeil hesitantly raised his hand to Donghyuck’s face, gently smoothing the moisturiser into his skin with featherlight strokes but still unable to meet Donghyuck’s wide eyes fervently searching his own face. 

“You’re totally in control, okay? We’ll do only what you want, stop any time you want. You call all the shots,” Taeil whispered, dropping his hand and busying himself with screwing the lid back onto the tub. 

Donghyuck couldn’t breathe. There was no air in the room, and definitely not between the both of them, Taeil blushing hard as he still stared at Donghyuck’s damn moisturiser resting on the bed between his legs as if he was afraid to look up, like he needed permission.

“Hyung,” Donghyuck murmured. “You’re really okay with this? You want to?”

Taeil nodded, and Donghyuck reached out, tentatively tipping up Taeil’s chin so Taeil had to look at him. 

“Last chance to back out,” Donghyuck whispered, and watched the bobbing of Taeil’s adam’s apple as he swallowed.

“Not going to,” Taeil answered, and the shiver that ran through Donghyuck must have shown on Donghyuck’s face because Taeil’s gaze dropped to Donghyuck’s mouth, and then up to his eyes once again. 

“Take it as I don’t know anything, okay?” Donghyuck said softly, drunk on Taeil’s closeness and resisting the urge to lick his lips. “Like I’ve never even been kissed.”

Taeil exhaled, nodding. “Where?”

Donghyuck raised his eyebrows, taken aback. “On.. my.. mouth?”

“No!” Taeil shook his head, red-faced. “I mean, where will we - do it? Oh, my god.” 

“Here. Johnny hyung’s cool with it, he’ll leave us alone,” Donghyuck grinned, somehow drawing power from the fact Taeil was so flustered about this. He felt life begin to come back into his limbs and his head clearing now it was starting to sink in just what was going to happen between them, and that Taeil was putting him in full control. The universe was apparently starting to learn: What Donghyuck wanted, Donghyuck got. _Fuck_ yes!

Taeil nodded, laughing breathlessly, then tried to tame Donghyuck’s messy hair into some sort of order. “Did you lose your comb in Indonesia-”

“Can I kiss you?”

Taeil’s mouth snapped shut. “Now? Here? Already?”

“Just one kiss, hyung,” Donghyuck said, eyes not leaving Taeil’s lips as he inched forward, taking the tub of face cream between them and tossing it onto Johnny’s bed without looking. Taeil winced when it hit the floor instead. 

“That’s expensive,” he croaked out, unconsciously leaning backwards the closer Donghyuck came. 

“I’ll buy another one,” Donghyuck answered dismissively, putting a hand on Taeil’s bare thigh and feeling the muscle jump under his touch. “Tell me, hyung. What do I do with my hands?”

Taeil swallowed. “Are you saying you don’t know?”

“I told you I don’t know anything, hyung,” Donghyuck looked at him, face innocent. “Nobody’s ever touched me before. You’ll be the first.”

Taeil swore under his breath. “You can put your hands on my - hips. Or back. See what you feel like. What’s comfortable.”

“Here?” Donghyuck settled his hands on Taeil’s hips, feeling the warmth of Taeil’s skin seep through his clothes. 

“Yeah,” Taeil nodded, cupping Donghyuck’s jaw and biting his lip at the pleased sound Donghyuck made at that. 

“Where’s your other hand going to go, hyung?” Donghyuck whispered, only a breath away from Taeil’s mouth. 

“Where do you want it?” Taeil asked, barely audible. 

Donghyuck grinned. “You really want me to tell you?”

Taeil frowned at him, scandalised, and resolutely put his hand on Donghyuck’s waist. “What happened to playing the innocent virgin?”

“Much more fun to see you flustered,” Donghyuck smiled. “Now kiss me.”

Taeil looked up into Donghyuck’s eyes as if to check one last time if Donghyuck was sure, before taking a deep breath and pressing his mouth to Donghyuck’s, letting his eyes flutter closed. And Donghyuck, for all his bravado and teasing just moments before, felt his mind go white. 

Taeil was kissing him. Taeil. Was kissing him. 

Taeil’s lips were soft, though Donghyuck wished they were chapped like they usually were instead because it was just too much that on top of everything his lips felt perfect, too. He kissed Donghyuck so gently, pressing tiny kisses to the side of Donghyuck’s mouth and capturing Donghyuck’s bottom lip between his briefly before releasing it; angling his head differently before licking lightly against the seam of Donghyuck’s lips, making Donghyuck gasp into his mouth. 

Taeil drew back, searching Donghyuck’s face. “Okay?”

Donghyuck surged back against him, only realising he’d balled Taeil’s shirt up in his fists when he went to spread his hands over Taeil’s back, pulling him closer. Taeil’s mouth opened under his this time, letting Donghyuck explore with his tongue and helping to guide him with the hand on Donghyuck’s jaw. Taeil tasted - he tasted sweet, probably like the coke he’d likely had after dinner, and the scent of his skin and his shampoo and Taeil’s breath in Donghyuck’s nose were fogging up Donghyuck’s head again. He was probably embarrassing himself terribly in front of Taeil but Donghyuck just never wanted to stop tasting him; he pressed even closer, feeling Taeil’s tongue push back and slide unhurriedly against his own and couldn’t even find it in himself to be shy at the desperate whimper he let out. 

“Slow down, baby,” Taeil whispered against his lips, smiling, and Donghyuck nearly moaned out loud. Baby - it was something Johnny called him all the time, and all it felt like was literally that Johnny was calling him his baby brother; something cute, something fond. But the way Taeil said it - 

Donghyuck’s breath lodged in his throat. Oh, fuck. Oh, no. Oh, god, if there was anything that could brand Donghyuck a complete virgin for all to see it was this - popping a boner from nothing more than kissing and being called ‘baby’. Donghyuck was _mortified_. Apart from their mouths and the polite hands on his jaw and waist Taeil was touching him nowhere else and yet Donghyuck was as hard as if they were rutting against each other naked in a filthy makeout session - and the incredible thought hit him that if he wanted, they _could be_ rutting against each other naked in a filthy makeout session and then he really did moan out loud, kissing Taeil harder. Taeil nipped at his lips before licking into his mouth again, the hand at Donghyuck’s waist slowly beginning to massage in careful movements. Donghyuck’s hands had roamed all over Taeil’s back and hips by that point, one hand pushing into his hair, and he worried if he was going too far too fast, if Taeil didn’t want him to touch him that freely, despite the obvious implications of their agreement - 

Taeil pulled away, leaning his forehead on Donghyuck’s. “What’s wrong?”

Donghyuck tried to get his breathing under control, praying Taeil didn’t look down into Donghyuck’s lap and see the obvious tenting in his shorts before he got the chance to calm down. He looked up into Taeil’s face, and realised with a shock that Taeil was panting slightly too, pink dusting over his cheeks. 

“I’m terrible, aren’t I?” Donghyuck asked, still marvelling at the way Taeil seemed to be affected as well. 

Taeil laughed low before pressing another kiss to Donghyuck’s mouth. “You’re fine. Not like I’m some kind of expert, anyway.”

“No, you’re so good,” Donghyuck breathed. “I don’t want to stop.”

Taeil made an amused face of disbelief at him. “We can’t do everything tonight, Hyuck.”

Donghyuck’s cock twitched in great interest at this as he fought back a gasp, his mind instantly flooded with images of everything that was the least helpful to him in this embarrassing boner situation. “Why not?”

Taeil laughed again, stroking Donghyuck’s cheek with his thumb, the sweetness of it threatening to give Donghyuck a heart boner as well. “I want to do things right with you.”

Fuck. 

Donghyuck swallowed, trying to dial back how obvious the levels of grossly in-love-ness showing on his face must be. If anything, he got even harder - Donghyuck passionately cursed himself.

“We don’t have to rush,” Taeil was saying, but ‘patience’ was not in Donghyuck’s vocabulary and he moved in again, only stopping to murmur “Touch me more” before capturing Taeil’s mouth. Donghyuck did try to slow down this time, letting Taeil take the lead so that he could explore how it felt to have Taeil’s firm back and shoulders under his hands as well as Taeil’s mouth on his; and Taeil’s hands on his own body, slowly roaming like Donghyuck wanted them to. Taeil spread his hands wide and ran them down Donghyuck’s back, thumbing up the side of his neck until Donghyuck shivered at the feeling, dipping into the hollow of his spine and travelling light over his thighs before hugging his arms around Donghyuck’s body, pulling him down as Taeil leaned back - 

_Oh shit_ \- 

Donghyuck barely had time to brace himself before he was lying on top of Taeil, hard cock digging unmistakably into Taeil’s thigh. He squeezed his eyes shut before breaking the kiss in frozen humiliation, trying to move his hips away. 

“Sorry,” he muttered, wondering if he should get back up off of Taeil. “Sorry, I-”

“What are you sorry about?” Taeil interrupted him, eyes dark. “There’s nothing wrong with getting off on kissing.”

Donghyuck made a sound of abject embarrassment, dropping his head onto Taeil’s shoulder. “We haven’t even _done_ anything.”

“Kissing turns me on too,” Taeil said, voice low. “I really like it.”

“But you’re not the one with a raging hard-on.”

He felt Taeil’s amusement through his chest. “Not yet.”

Donghyuck groaned. “Stop being so nice to me.”

“Should I be mean to you, then, baby?”

Donghyuck’s cock twitched again, but this time it was right against Taeil’s thigh and there was no way Taeil could have missed it. Donghyuck just wanted to fall out the window and die.

“... Interesting.”

“ _Hyung-_ ”

“Yes, baby?”

Donghyuck got off a grinning Taeil, face burning, and grabbed a pillow to put in his lap. “That’s enough of that, hyung. You may go back upstairs now.”

“Really? So soon? I don’t think Johnny’s going to be back for another hour at least.”

Donghyuck stared at Taeil, eyes tracing his lips blown red from kissing. From Donghyuck’s own mouth. 

“Come back,” Taeil said softly, and Donghyuck didn’t need to be told twice.

**

When Johnny walked in later he found Donghyuck lying thoughtfully in bed, hands folded on top of his stomach and ankles crossed in serious contemplation of the ceiling. 

“Hi?”

“Hyung, pinch me.”

“What?”

“Just do it. Pinch me- not so hard!” Donghyuck glared at Johnny accusingly, rubbing his arm as Johnny chuckled, moving away and shrugging off his jacket. 

“You’ve been pinched. What was that about?”

“I wanted to check if I’d somehow dreamt up the past hour.”

Johnny laughed, grabbing a towel for his shower. “I take it it all went well?”

“What?” Donghyuck sat up, staring at Johnny. “Oh my god, did he plan this with you? You knew?”

Johnny hummed. “He made me promise not to come back before ten. Thought I’d give you guys an extra half-hour.”

Donghyuck narrowed his eyes. “Just how much have you two talked about this?”

“You mean the _long_ conversation we had the night you left for the concert when he came to me worrying his ass off to ask me what he should do and I told him to just trust you and to go with his gut feeling?”

Donghyuck’s jaw dropped. Johnny smiled.

“And you didn’t think that maybe you should have messaged me to tell me? You let me stress out over this for three whole days?”

“He wanted to speak to you first,” Johnny shrugged. “Can I go shower now? Also, you’re welcome.”

Donghyuck opened and shut his mouth. Johnny raised a prompting eyebrow at him. “Come on. You can do it. ‘Thank you, Johnny hyung’. Now you try.”

“ _Thank you_ , Johnny hyung. And also for every time in the future when we need the room and you’ll have to go find somewhere else to be.”

Johnny’s face changed so fast Donghyuck couldn’t help bursting out in laughter. “Did you not see that coming?”

“Fuck,” Johnny swore with feeling. “All I’m trying to do is be a good friend and this is what I get?”

“Go hang out with Yuta hyung upstairs when Taeil hyung’s down here with me,” Donghyuck shrugged. “Just not all the time, or he’s going to get suspicious. Rotate yourself among the members. Spread the Johnny love.”

Johnny looked murderous for a second, and then exhaled deeply, letting his shoulders drop. “Okay. Fine. This isn’t forever, anyway.”

He missed the look that passed over Donghyuck’s face as he left to wash up, the quick reality check that left Donghyuck feeling sober after the fairytale high of the last hour or so. He lay back down in his bed, letting himself absorb it. 

Johnny’s hyung’s right. This wasn’t going to last forever, so while he could Donghyuck was going to enjoy himself without letting his feelings get in the way. Everything was already beyond his wildest dreams - getting to kiss and touch Taeil tonight, and the unbelievable promise of more in the future. He hardly dared think about it as if the opportunity would vanish if he let himself dwell on it too much. 

Taeil. Taeil kissing him slow and deep, Donghyuck carefully mimicking the movements of Taeil’s tongue and lips until he had Taeil making low sounds of pleasure in his throat at how quickly Donghyuck was learning from him; not minding when Donghyuck got too eager and put too much teeth or tongue into the kiss. Taeil pressing quick, light kisses to his mouth like little sips of a cup that had Donghyuck chasing Taeil’s mouth until Taeil rolled Donghyuck underneath him and gave Donghyuck what he wanted; harder, wet kisses as Donghyuck’s hands slipped under Taeil’s shirt and imagined feeling that silky smooth skin all over. Taeil letting Donghyuck grind a little against him to get some relief for the hot curling in his stomach, almost painfully-hard cock trapped between their bodies until Taeil broke away, both of them panting into the space between them. 

_“Let’s slow down,” he breathed, and Donghyuck tightened his arms around Taeil, knowing he wasn’t imagining Taeil beginning to get hard too and not about to let him go just when things were developing that way._

_“I should go back,” Taeil continued. “Johnny will never forgive us if he walks in on this.”_

_Donghyuck whined, trying to keep Taeil in place as Taeil pushed off his body, half-laughing as he extricated himself from Donghyuck’s octopus limbs. “Come on, baby. We’ll continue next time.”_

Next time. Donghyuck couldn’t help the huge silly grin that leapt to his face at the knowledge that there would be a next time, that they would maybe go further - he fanned his suddenly-burning face, cock that had relaxed once Taeil had left starting to chub up again. He dragged the pillow from earlier onto his hips so that Johnny wouldn’t have to see him like this when he came back from the bathroom, but he had been worked up for over an hour and the weight of the pillow and friction against his cock through his shorts felt so good that when Johnny did come back he unfortunately caught Donghyuck mid-rut. 

Johnny’s wet towel landed on his face. “Nasty ass child! I don’t care if Taeil hyung left you hanging or what but I will not tolerate you trying to fuck a pillow right in front of me.”

Donghyuck pouted, trying to channel the gross feeling of the cold wet towel into his dick so his erection would subside. “I can’t help it! Tell me something unsexy. Help me out.”

“Doyoung yelling at you for not separating the laundry while wearing a mankini.”

Donghyuck screamed, digging the palms of his hands into his closed eyes to erase the image from his brain as Johnny sniggered in victory. 

“I know some people might be into that, but…”

“Shut _up_ , hyung. Doyoung hyung is like my _dad_.”

“You’re welcome, again. If you pop another boner later go to the bathroom and take care of it. I will throw you out if you wake me up because you’re jerking off in bed.”

“You’re so mean to me.”

“Say that again?”

“Nothing, hyung. Love you, goodnight.”

**

If Donghyuck wanted Taeil before they made out then Donghyuck’s desire for Taeil after had basically skyrocketed. Now that he knew what kissing him felt like and how his body fit into Donghyuck’s as his weight pressed Donghyuck into the mattress it was all Donghyuck could think about. Dance practice (Taeil’s legs. Taeil’s hips. Taeil’s cock.)? Fucked. Vocal practice (Vocal chords. Lips. Tongue. Kissing Taeil.)? Fucked. 

He’d taken to drinking ice cold water even though it was barely spring yet. He wished he could pour ice down his underwear too sometimes once his overactive imagination got going at the most inappropriate times but such things were not acceptable in public. He’d started having to think about Doyoung in a mankini way more than he ever thought he ever would have to, which was zero. 

“Just ask him to come over!” Johnny had told him exasperatedly after Donghyuck had complained to him that he was having to jerk off in the shower at least once a day now in an attempt to calm himself down, but Donghyuck had balked. 

“It’s been barely three days. I don’t want him to think I’m that desperate.”

“You think he hasn’t noticed you staring at him like you’re starving and he’s a prime steak?”

“That’s how I always look at him.”

“True,” Johnny conceded. “Seriously, what are you so afraid of?”

Donghyuck had protested that he wasn’t afraid, and he wasn’t - only, he also was, which gave a rather good general indication of his mental state at the moment. The thought that they would have sex at some point in the future was completely terrifying and incredible while also being all Donghyuck had ever wanted apart from lifetime VIP discounts at his favourite barbecue restaurant.

He was an absolute mess, and he knew that he couldn’t just wait for Taeil to make the next move instead because Taeil had made it abundantly clear that Donghyuck was in charge of everything that they were doing together. He’d been totally normal around Donghyuck to the point Donghyuck had again started to wonder if he’d hallucinated the entire thing that night, because Donghyuck felt like he was close to drooling at the mere sight of Taeil while Taeil was acting totally unbothered by the fact he’d had his tongue down Donghyuck’s throat just a few days ago.

Donghyuck stared at the phone in his hands, knowing Taeil was in the recording studio and may not reply for some time. All he had to do was send the message he’d already typed out and hopefully not go crazy while he waited for the reply. 

_3.17pm - hyung, can you come over tomorrow? i’ll be free from 2pm. i’ll get johnny hyung to give us a few hours._

Was that too cringey? Did it sound too desperate? Or was it too vague? Was Taeil busy? What if he just had better things to do than to do this with an overeager and awkward Donghyuck?

Donghyuck squeezed his eyes shut and pressed ‘send’ before he totally psyched himself out. He sat down at the kitchen table with the full intention of eating his entire lunch with a just-woken up Taeyong before checking his phone again, but the moment his phone buzzed with an incoming message about five minutes in Donghyuck grabbed it, knocking over his glass of water and earning him an earful from the dorm auntie. 

Taeyong blearily helped him mop up the puddle as Donghyuck hastily opened the message from Taeil, not sure why he was so ridiculously nervous. 

_3.21pm - sure. might be slightly late, but will be there before 2.30 tops._

Donghyuck didn’t know what his feelings were doing. On the one hand, Taeil had said yes. On the other hand, he sounded completely flat and businesslike, and Donghyuck didn’t know how to react to that. On a third borrowed hand (Taeyong’s) now he was even more nervous because of what was going to happen tomorrow. Whatever that was. 

The dorm auntie gave him a new glass of water along with an extra helping of stew, unable to stay annoyed at him for long, and Donghyuck proceeded to bury his woes in food.

** 

“Hey,” Taeil poked his head into Donghyuck’s room, and Donghyuck was super proud of how nonchalantly he returned Taeil’s greeting as if he hadn’t been compulsively checking his phone’s clock and freaking out more and more with every passing minute. Taeil let himself in and closed the door, making sure to lock it, and the click of the lock nearly made Donghyuck pee himself. 

“Sorry I’m so late, I had to wrap up recording,” Taeil explained, coming to sit next to Donghyuck on the bed and Donghyuck wondered if Taeil could hear the slamming of his heart from where he was. 

“It’s fine,” Donghyuck said, and when it came out a little too loud Donghyuck tried to clear his throat unsuccessfully. Taeil just watched him, amused. 

“You showered?” Donghyuck squeaked, taking in Taeil’s damp hair as Taeil nodded. “For me?”

The tips of Taeil’s ears went rosy as he nodded again. “Just thought it was the polite thing to do.”

“Should I have showered?” Donghyuck asked, alarmed, but Taeil only laughed.

“No, I like how you smell when you’ve been lazing in bed all day.”

Donghyuck went completely red. There was just no way he knew how to respond to this. 

“I haven’t been in bed all day, though,” he muttered inconsequently, voice small, and Taeil just laughed at him again.

“What do you want to do?”

Donghyuck swallowed, feeling like his entire skin was on fire. He didn’t know exactly what he wanted, just that he wanted _more_ ; he wanted everything that Taeil could give him but he didn’t even know what everything meant. 

Taeil seemed to sense his indecision. “Shall we just do what we did last time and see where it goes?”

Donghyuck nodded gratefully, and Taeil smiled and moved forward to hold him, capturing his mouth sweetly. Donghyuck sighed against his lips, already impatient, so he tugged Taeil down on top of him, wanting to feel again Taeil’s whole body on his like a drug he’d fast gotten hooked on. They were both wearing simple shirts and shorts, casual things they usually wore at home, and though the fabric was thin they might as well have been wearing multiple layers of denim as far as Donghyuck was concerned. 

“Can we-” Donghyuck gasped, after a particularly toe-curlingly good kiss, his hands in Taeil’s hair and Taeil’s own fingers flirting with the hem of his shirt. “Clothes-”

Taeil sat up, thighs automatically spreading to straddle Donghyuck’s hips, and Donghyuck’s brain short-circuited seeing him this way. Donghyuck didn’t dare to hope for a repeat of this position and all it implied in future, but in a moment he forgot what he was thinking about as Taeil pulled his shirt up and off and moved to help Donghyuck with his own. 

Donghyuck had seen Jeno topless. And Jaemin, and Johnny. And Jaehyun (what was it with their members whose names started with J, anyway?). Neither he nor Taeil were ripped like them, and Donghyuck loved that. He loved Taeil’s self-assurance and he loved the confidence that Taeil had given him in his own body and looks - he knew he was hot as hell, and Taeil’s chest and stomach with their creamy-smooth expanse of perfect skin and dark nipples was making Donghyuck’s mouth water.

Taeil wasted no time in getting back to kissing him, Donghyuck moaning at the sensation of being skin-to-skin for the first time. He ran his hands in awe over Taeil’s body, stopping just short of Taeil’s waistband before Taeil broke away and murmured “Go ahead” hot in Donghyuck’s ear as he continued to kiss his way down Donghyuck’s jaw to his neck. Donghyuck shuddered at the feeling of Taeil’s lips on his skin as he tentatively reached lower to cup Taeil’s ass. He’d done this before, of course - but always in jest, never lingering too long, and now that he had permission to truly feel Taeil up he went to town until Taeil couldn’t help but laugh into his shoulder. 

“I love your ass so much,” Donghyuck moaned, squeezing with both hands full of gorgeous, perky Taeil butt. 

Taeil snorted, continuing to lick and suck at the sensitive skin of Donghyuck’s neck until Donghyuck was squirming underneath Taeil, using the hands on Taeil’s butt to pull Taeil’s hips down against his own to urge along the heat pooling in his gut. 

“Hyung,” Donghyuck gasped out. “Hyung. Are you giving me a hickey?” 

“No?” Taeil said, pushing himself up onto his forearms. “On your neck? For everyone to see? Of course not.”

“Oh,” Donghyuck said, disappointed. “What about somewhere else?”

Taeil held his gaze. “Where?”

Donghyuck began to say ‘on the inside of my thighs’ because he’d seen it in a porno once but the thought of seeing Taeil between his legs without having some time to mentally prepare for that image first was too much for Donghyuck’s frail constitution. “My chest?”

“Okay.” Taeil dipped his head and pressed one last kiss to Donghyuck’s neck, then shifted lower as he resumed kissing down Donghyuck’s body across his collarbones and chest until he reached a nipple, where he paused. Donghyuck abruptly forgot how to breathe. 

“But first,” Taeil murmured, and flicked it with his tongue before he began to suck at it in earnest, tongue swirling around the hard nub and _oh_ , apparently Donghyuck really liked having his nipples played with. He almost bucked off the mattress when Taeil bit lightly down, hand coming up to tease the other nipple, and Taeil had to raise his head to shush him. 

“Hyuck, the walls aren’t as thick as you think. Doyoung’s home.”

At this point Donghyuck didn’t know or care what a Doyoung was and he made a disgruntled sound to that effect. “How am I supposed to keep quiet?” Donghyuck protested, breathing hard. “It feels so good.”

“Does it?” Taeil said, and Donghyuck had to bite back another moan at the silky change in his voice as Taeil lowered his mouth to the other nipple this time, the sounds of sucking and lapping almost making Donghyuck tremble from how turned on he was. He knew Taeil could feel it, and the knowledge of his cock bulging obviously in his shorts as Taeil’s tongue toyed with his nipples was too much. 

“Hyung, please,” Donghyuck whimpered, trying hard to keep his hips firmly on the bed and not grind mindlessly up against Taeil. Taeil stopped, not wanting to overwhelm him, and moved upwards briefly to give him a soothingly chaste kiss before lowering himself again to choose a spot on Donghyuck’s chest for the requested hickey. 

“How about here?” Taeil pointed, just next to his left nipple. 

“Will it hurt?” Donghyuck asked hesitantly. Hickeys looked like bruises, after all.

“No, baby,” Taeil smiled, and there it was again, the flash of lightning running through Donghyuck at the pet name. “I won’t make it too dark, okay? It’ll fade away quickly then.”

“I don’t mind it staying,” Donghyuck said, unable to read the look Taeil sent him but forging ahead anyway. “Maybe I want it there.”

Taeil blinked, and then got to work. It didn’t feel anything like Donghyuck had expected, because Taeil was just sucking hard on his skin, sometimes drawing it slightly between his tongue and his palate which to be honest was slightly uncomfortable. 

“There,” he said when he was done, and Donghyuck craned his neck forward to look at it - Taeil had left a round red mark, right over his heart. _Oof_ , Donghyuck thought. _Too real._

“That’s a hickey, huh,” Donghyuck mused. “Can I give you one?”

Taeil’s eyes widened. “Uh-”

“I’ll do it in the same spot, so no one will see and we can match,” Donghyuck wheedled. 

Taeil licked his lips after a beat and nodded, gesturing for Donghyuck to get up so they could switch positions. He spread his legs so Donghyuck could settle comfortably between them, the outline of his cock inside his own shorts distracting Donghyuck. The thought that Taeil was getting off on this too was heady, and Donghyuck wondered what Taeil would do if Donghyuck put a hand on him right there and then, stroking him as Donghyuck stroked his own cock. 

Donghyuck lifted himself above Taeil’s chest, bracing himself on his elbows as he put his mouth to Taeil’s skin and felt Taeil breathe even and deep under him. He inhaled the scent of Taeil’s skin and body wash, a smell he knew even in his sleep, and resisted the urge to just press his cheek over Taeil’s heart and refuse to move forever more. 

Taeil kept himself still and quiet as Donghyuck sucked the hickey as best he could into his skin, and when Donghyuck raised his head a little to look at it he found it was more uneven and lighter than the one Taeil had given him. _The hickey Taeil had given him_ , Donghyuck thought, and felt giddy for a moment. He now had a mark on his body as proof he wasn’t elaborately imagining this entire thing, and _oh_ \- that’s why people liked them, because every time now he looked at the red mark on his chest he’s going to be reminded of just how it got there and the man who had given it to him.

“Hmm,” Donghyuck made a face. “Not as good as yours.”

“It’s not a competition,” Taeil smiled at him. “Never saw what the big deal about lovebites was, anyway.”

“Evidence someone loves you enough to bite you?”

“What nonsense is that-” Taeil began, laughing, but cut himself off with a sharp inhale as Donghyuck sealed his mouth over a nipple and began to suck. Donghyuck tried different things with his tongue, experimenting to see what got the most reaction out of Taeil: firm licks with the flat of his tongue or quick flicks with the tip; holding the tight bud lightly between his teeth as he massaged it with his tongue, or harder sucks; and with every quiet whimper and moan and gasp falling from Taeil’s lips Donghyuck felt himself grow impossibly harder. He wanted to hear more; he wanted to drive Taeil crazy until he was moaning loud and desperate for Donghyuck so everyone would know who was making Taeil feel that good. 

Lost in his thoughts Donghyuck accidentally bit harder than he intended and the helpless, wrecked sound Taeil let out ripped right through Donghyuck to his groin, making him have to push his hips into the mattress for a second until he could breathe again. Donghyuck raised his eyes to Taeil’s face, surprised, and the sight of Taeil panting slightly as he stared at Donghyuck’s mouth on him led Donghyuck to bite down again tentatively. Taeil pressed his head back into the pillow, squeezing his eyes shut. 

Donghyuck took a deep breath, and reached between Taeil’s legs just as he switched over to the other nipple, giving it a firm lick and bite as his hand closed over Taeil’s clothed cock. 

Taeil’s eyes flew open, one hand moving to grab Donghyuck’s wrist as if he didn’t know whether to stop Donghyuck or urge him on. 

“I want to make you come,” Donghyuck whispered. “Please.”

Taeil stared at him, breathing quick through parted lips, and Donghyuck knew he wanted it. 

“Are you sure?”

Donghyuck nodded, stroking Taeil slightly with his thumb and watching Taeil’s expression flicker. At the very least, Donghyuck knew how to give a handjob, because it was more or less just jerking off but like in mirror image, right? He should be able to do this. 

“What about you?” Taeil asked, breathy, eyes darting down to Donghyuck’s crotch where - oh, okay, his cock had leaked enough precome to leave a dark stain on the tented front of his grey shorts, cool, cool, cool - and Donghyuck started to shake his head. He’d take care of himself later once Taeil was gone and couldn’t see him come in three seconds flat.

“Listen,” Taeil sat up, gently guiding Donghyuck back onto his butt. “Let’s try this. Do you have lotion, or something?”

“Uh, yeah,” Donghyuck stretched over to his bedside drawer and came back with a bottle, which he then frowned at. “Oh, I forgot this is almost empty. Nevermind, we’ll use Johnny hyung’s.”

“Won’t he be mad?” Taeil asked, tickled, as Donghyuck got up to rummage around in Johnny’s drawers for his wank resources instead. 

“Not if you don’t tell him,” Donghyuck raised a cheeky eyebrow at Taeil, coming back with a much larger bottle of body lotion. Taeil took it from him and left it on the bed as he stood up to face Donghyuck, who had forgotten temporarily about their height difference because they’d been kissing in bed and Taeil having to tip his mouth up for a kiss was all kinds of delightful. He folded Taeil up in his arms, lifting him off his feet a tiny bit before Taeil bit Donghyuck’s lower lip in warning to put him down. 

“We’ll do this together, okay?” Taeil murmured against his lips. “I’ll show you. Can you take your shorts off for me?”

Oh, boy. Oh, god. Not only was Taeil going to see Donghyuck’s dick and hopefully also touch Donghyuck’s dick, Donghyuck was about to come face to face (face to.. head?) with _Taeil’s_ cock, the subject of many a thirsty fantasy especially on days Taeil had uncharacteristically worn loose sweatpants to choreography practice. Loose sweatpants hid _nothing_.

What had Donghyuck been thinking about? Right. 

Donghyuck reddened as he slid his thumbs under the waistband of his shorts and pushed downwards over his hips, his erection catching in the process and slapping back against his stomach when it sprang free. Taeil moved to pull his own shorts down and off, and Donghyuck knew he was staring helplessly as Taeil sat back down on the bed, pulling Donghyuck by the hand to follow. 

“Face me. Put your legs over my thighs, here,” Taeil moved Donghyuck’s legs for him, helping him spread his knees and bracket Taeil’s hips, and Donghyuck felt his face burning at how exposed he was like this and how Taeil’s cock was _right there_. It was veiny and on the thick side rather than long, curving nicely towards his stomach. He only had a dusting of hair at the base of his cock, balls tight and dark, and Donghyuck nearly whimpered aloud at the thought of those balls slapping against his ass as Taeil’s thick cock thrust in and out of his body in ways he could only imagine at this point. He’d never even tried to finger himself before -

“Baby?”

Donghyuck looked up, knowing his face was fully flushed red. 

“Is this okay?”

“Yeah,” Donghyuck breathed. “You want to - both? At the same time?”

“Not fair if only I get off,” Taeil smiled, reaching for the lotion. “Come closer.”

Donghyuck scooted his hips closer until their cocks were nestled against each other, the sight of his own longer, slimmer cock next to Taeil’s making Donghyuck’s blood hectic in his veins. Taeil took Donghyuck’s right hand and squeezed out a healthy amount of lotion onto it, more than what Donghyuck would have thought they needed, before curling Donghyuck’s hand around their cocks, Taeil guiding him through the first few slow strokes to spread the lotion out evenly. 

“Good?” Taeil asked, his own voice strained to match how dry Donghyuck’s throat had become. Donghyuck couldn’t look away from their hands between them, slowly pumping their cocks together through the almost obscenely-wet slide of the lotion. Would this be what it felt like when Taeil was inside him? The slick, heady slide of Taeil’s cock between his legs? 

“Kiss me,” Taeil told him, and Donghyuck went willingly. This kiss was different from all the ones before: wet and hot and much more tongue, getting more and more sloppy the faster their joined hands pumped. Donghyuck let Taeil take his mouth, drinking in Taeil’s moans of appreciation at the way their tongues and cocks slid together, slick and dirty. 

Donghyuck panted, bracing one hand behind him to cant his hips up in little thrusts into their hands for extra friction, Taeil’s thumb swiping over both heads making Donghyuck’s thighs tremble. He wasn’t going to last for much longer, not like this with Taeil’s tongue in his mouth and veiny cock hot in his hand. 

Without warning, Taeil brought his free hand up to tug at Donghyuck’s nipple, and Donghyuck fucking saw _stars_. He had no head space left to regret his loud moan, not when Taeil was moaning back and his hand was urging Donghyuck’s to go faster. 

“Come for me, baby,” Taeil whispered. “My beautiful baby, come on, almost there-”

Taeil kept Donghyuck in the kiss as he came to muffle his moans, working him through his orgasm as Donghyuck went mindless at the first wave of pleasure, painting his stomach and chest and Taeil’s hand with his come. Taeil followed soon after a few more deep pumps of his own hand, vigorously twisting his fist around the head of his cock until the muscles of his stomach tightened hard and his cock emptied itself onto his stomach, head thrown back slightly as he panted for breath. At the back of Donghyuck’s hazy mind he thought, _I should remember how he likes it_ , the image of Taeil jacking his own cock to completion seared into Donghyuck’s brain. 

Donghyuck let himself fall back onto the mattress, feeling Taeil run his clean hand down both of his quivering thighs spread on either side of Taeil’s hips to calm Donghyuck down. 

_My beautiful baby_ , Donghyuck thought, warmth spreading down to the tips of his toes that had nothing to do with the intense orgasm he’d just had. _He thinks I’m beautiful._

Donghyuck heard the sound of Taeil plucking out tissues from the box next to Donghyuck’s bed to clean himself off, and so didn’t bother opening his eyes when he felt careful hands try to mop up the come and lotion on his own body a minute or two later. He’d just had the best nut of his life and the fireworks in his skin hadn’t yet died down, so he let himself enjoy Taeil taking care of him.

“You’ll have to wash the rest off,” Taeil told him, making himself comfortable beside Donghyuck once he’d done the best he could with just tissues. “Time for that shower.”

“Come with me,” Donghyuck said, stretching his arms above his head and feeling so contented and satisfied he could purr. “Let’s go for round two.”

“Round two?” Taeil let out a surprised laugh. “You’ll have to give me more time. I’m not eighteen anymore.”

“Old man,” Donghyuck grinning, turning to face him and meeting Taeil in a slow, languid kiss, making out fully naked together for the first time. Now that the urgency in his blood had simmered down he let himself savour the feeling of skin on skin, admiring just how nice it was to touch Taeil. 

“Thank you, hyung,” Donghyuck murmured after a while, stealing small, sweet kisses as Taeil played with his hair. 

“You don’t have to thank me,” Taeil replied, embarrassed. “As long as it was good for you.”

“It was,” Donghyuck nodded. “Really good.”

“I hope Doyoung didn’t hear anything,” Taeil furrowed his brows, suddenly worried. “At the end we were kinda loud.”

“Yeah, you were,” Donghyuck grinned, watching Taeil get shy. “I like that, hyung. I like that you aren’t quiet.”

“Because you certainly aren’t,” Taeil snorted, and Donghyuck let his eyes roam Taeil’s face contentedly, dropping to the hickey on his chest that had its twin on Donghyuck’s body. 

“You don’t like it?” Donghyuck challenged. 

“I like it, you brat.”

“I prefer it when you call me baby,” Donghyuck shot back, seeing his opportunity, and moved closer. “I really like it, hyung,” he dropped his voice. “Really, really like it.” Donghyuck held Taeil’s gaze, one hand resting warm on Taeil’s hip. “Tell me I’m your baby.”

Taeil searched Donghyuck’s face, flicking between Donghyuck’s heart-shaped mouth and his eyes, the air between them suddenly sultry. Donghyuck waited, inexplicably wanting nothing more once again to take Taeil’s mouth and feel Taeil’s naked body on his even though he’d just come his brains out barely ten minutes ago. 

“You’re my baby, Hyuck,” Taeil whispered, tongue darting out to wet his lips before Donghyuck kissed him. 

“Do you love me?” Donghyuck asked, heartrate picking up once more at the thought of tasting Taeil, of getting to hear Taeil moaning for him again. 

“Hyuckie-”

“Do you love me?” Donghyuck insisted, kissing Taeil hard and feeling the soundless whimper Taeil let out into his mouth. 

“I love you,” Taeil gasped as Donghyuck licked a hot stripe up Taeil’s neck. “I love you.”

**


	2. my first and last

Donghyuck was stressed the fuck _out_.

While not exactly the criminal mastermind Mark liked to tell people he was, Donghyuck was still definitely a smart cookie. This is why he’d quickly figured out that to maximise benefits and to keep this thing with Taeil going longer than one would reasonably expect, he would have to do much more than what he said he wanted at the start: to have all his first times with Taeil. In order to tweak the system in his favour Donghyuck had to not just have first times but _second_ times, and three-and-a-half-times, and fourth times. However, as this was a complex scheme involving many variables, this was easier said than done.

“Hyung,” Donghyuck pleaded with an annoyed Johnny (variable number one) who’d just been made homeless for the fourth time in barely two weeks. “Technically this could all be over in two or three, uh, sessions? But why would I want to get it all over and done with quickly when I could stretch it out for as long as possible? You understand, right, hyung? I’d be crazy to let this chance go just like that.”

“And what does _he_ think about it?” Johnny had asked, glaring, hands on his hips. At his height and size it was a particularly threatening posture.

“He’s very confused,” Donghyuck wailed (variable number two: Taeil). “He asked me if I wanted to try something else yet and I had to tell him no. Do you know how crazy that was? I almost wanted to cry.”

“I know the feeling,” Johnny said coldly. 

“Hyuuuuuung,” Donghyuck pouted, attaching himself to Johnny and hugging tight before employing his best bambi eyes. “Please don’t be mad. Please. Pleasepleaseplease. I’ll take you out for dinner. I’ll be your slave for a month. I’ll let you win every time we game.”

Johnny rolled his eyes and relented as Donghyuck knew he would, and he hid his smile at the sound of Johnny’s defeated sigh by pretending to smush his face into Johnny’s chest cutely. 

“Why do I always give in to you, baby?”

Donghyuck detached himself. “Uh, hyung. I think you need to stop calling me that.”

“What? Why?” 

“Because-” Donghyuck blushed. “Taeil hyung calls me that when we’re - you know. It’s just weird now to hear you say it.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Johnny scoffed, appalled. “I started calling you that first and now I can’t do it anymore because you two are kinky assholes? Do you call him ‘daddy’ too or what?”

“Shut _up_ hyung, I don’t! Don’t be gross.”

“ _Gross_ is me getting kicked out of my own room several times a week and having to act totally unsuspiciously _and_ run interference for the two of you when people are trying to find you guys and you’re locked away sucking dick.”

“One, we haven’t gotten there yet,” Donghyuck interrupted, looking pained at his own admission. “And two, you know I really appreciate what you’re doing for me,” Donghyuck re-attached himself, turning up the power of his bambi eyes. “I really do, hyung. Nobody will ever love me like you love me.”

“Damn straight,” Johnny muttered, trying not to let Donghyuck’s shining eyes affect him. “But I’m serious, the two of you need to cool it. Taeyong asked me just yesterday if something was up with you both.”

“Really?” Donghyuck pulled away, biting his lip (other members and managers: variables three through ten, at least). “Are we being weird around the others?”

Johnny’s guffaw of disbelief was so loud Donghyuck smacked him on the arm. “Shit, Hyuckie, there’s a real difference between the way we all touch one another and the way you behave like you’re two minutes away from jumping him in front of everyone. Between that and the way he looks at you sometimes like there’s no one else in the room I’d say, yeah, you’re being a _tiny_ bit weird.” 

Donghyuck chewed on his bottom lip, contemplating Johnny. “He looks at me like that?”

Johnny threw up his hands. “That’s not the point right now! You two are being more intense than usual - mainly you - and people are picking up on it, okay? Knock it off.”

“What did you tell Taeyong hyung?”

“I said I didn’t notice anything out of the norm but who knows, you two are geminis.”

“What does that mean?”

“Taeyong didn’t know either. That’s the point. When you don’t know if you can convince them, confuse them.”

Donghyuck grinned. “Don’t you think it’s meant to be that we’re both born in the same month?”

Johnny gave him a long Look. “That’s kind of a bare minimum standard, but sure.”

Donghyuck fell back across Johnny’s bed with a sigh, letting himself bounce. “I’m so happy, hyung.”

Johnny hauled him up and deposited him on his own bed. “Kindly do not get your sex cooties on my bed if you haven’t showered yet, thanks.”

Donghyuck hummed contentedly, totally ignoring Johnny. “He’s so perfect. He only cares about what I want. I think he doesn’t even mind if he gets to come or not, as long as I do.”

Johnny grunted in response, collecting his dirty laundry from around the room before pausing by the door. “Keep your head, okay, bab-Hyuckie? Don’t let yourself get in too deep.”

“I want to, though. I want him deep inside m-”

Johnny slammed the door shut and Donghyuck giggled, kicking his feet. 

**

“Hotel rooms,” Taeil repeated after Donghyuck. 

“With big hotel beds,” Donghyuck added. 

Taeil eyed him.

“And hotel room showers,” Donghyuck continued. “With hotel room bathtubs.”

“I don’t think we’re due to share anytime soon, though,” Taeil murmured, keeping his voice down so the others in the airport check-in queue wouldn’t overhear. “I think I’m supposed to be with Jungwoo this time.”

Donghyuck looked at his sweet, innocent Taeil fondly. “Not if I already asked manager hyung.”

“With what reasoning?” Taeil and Donghyuck shuffled forward in line, the sounds of fansite camera shutters melding with the background noise of all airports. 

“That while we’re in America for these five days you’ll be helping me a lot with my vocals for the comeback. Because we don’t want to waste any time, and because we don’t want to disturb the others,” Donghyuck smiled at him, and then aimed that smile in general towards the waiting crowd. 

“Why does that sound like a thin excuse even to me?” Taeil nodded at a fan who was waving to him.

“People switch rooms all the time, hyung,” Donghyuck said reasonably. “Some people never share rooms because this one snores or that one is too messy. Wanting to room together so we can practise for the comeback isn’t that strange.”

“So he said yes?” Taeil raised an eyebrow. 

“Of course he did,” Donghyuck grinned. “Nobody can say no to me.”

“Don’t I know it,” Taeil muttered under his breath. “Go, it’s your turn.”

Donghyuck threw Taeil a smile over his shoulder as he walked towards the waiting airline staff counter, and he wondered how the fansites’ photos of him captured at that very moment would turn out. Donghyuck - no, Haechan - with that irresistible smile, brilliant even when all covered up from top to toe in a bucket hat and big jacket. 

If only they knew _why_ he was smiling.

**

Donghyuck pushed Taeil up against the wall of the shower, Taeil hissing as his back hit cold tile just before Donghyuck kissed him again, the warm water from overhead sluicing into their mouths and between their bodies.

This was the best idea. Donghyuck couldn’t imagine if they’d stuck to the rooming roster and he was lying in bed in some other room, listening to one of Yuta’s self-improvement podcasts and eating his heart out because he couldn’t be in this shower with a naked wet Taeil doing _this_.

Their bathtub was huge - god bless America - and Donghyuck already had a list of things he wanted to do to Taeil in that bathtub; not least of all just soak, holding Taeil as he listened to him sing in the gorgeous echoey acoustics of the bathroom even if they had to do it at 4am because they were so busy. As it was this was the first time they’d had some time to themselves where they weren’t exhausted and half-unconscious and it was already the second night; Donghyuck was on a _deadline_. 

“I want to do something new today,” Donghyuck panted into Taeil’s mouth. “Show me how to go down on you?”

Taeil pulled away slightly so the water wasn’t falling into his eyes. “You sure? You haven’t - I mean, the past few times you hadn’t wanted to do anything different.”

“I was just getting used to it,” Donghyuck smiled, hoping he sounded convincing. “Didn’t want to rush.”

“Yeah,” Taeil smiled back. “Let’s not rush. I just thought maybe you’d changed your mind, or something. You can stop at any time, remember.”

“I don’t want to stop,” Donghyuck ran a thumb over Taeil’s lower lip, watching as Taeil licked at it briefly. “Do you?”

“No, I’m good,” Taeil replied evenly, and Donghyuck struggled with the spike of irritation-despair that bit sharply at him, instantly allowing his special brand of Taeil-insecurity to rear its ugly head. _I want you to be more than just ‘good’ with it!_

“You don’t seem very - like you really want-” Donghyuck realised how stupid the words coming out of his mouth were as they exited, but just like babies and for-sale items they could not be returned once brought out into the world. Of _course_ Taeil wasn’t gagging for it the way Donghyuck was, so why did he have to keep demanding validation? Why couldn’t Donghyuck just accept the enormous fact that Taeil was willing to fall into bed with him and not question it any further? “Like, I’m grateful you’ve been patient with me, but-”

Taeil cocked his head at a slowly dying Donghyuck, looking like he was considering his next words very carefully. 

“This is about you, not me. I’ve just been trying to be a neutral space. To give you exactly what you want. To not pressure you, or - or make things complicated for you.”

 _Complicated like with feelings?_ Donghyuck thought desperately, wishing he hadn’t opened his mouth and wishing he could now shut it. “I know I was the one who asked, but I hate the thought of you doing this _for_ me, like-” he stopped, and gave up. There was no way of saying this without making his own feelings obvious.

“Doing this with you isn’t exactly a hardship for me, baby,” Taeil replied, voice low and self-conscious. “I think about you, too. When we’re - apart.”

Donghyuck’s cheeks burned with humiliation. “You don’t have to say that just to boost my ego.”

“I’m not,” Taeil cupped Donghyuck’s face in his hands, pulling him properly under the warm spray so he wouldn’t get cold. “Do you think I’ve been faking how I react to you? I’m not that good an actor, Hyuckie.”

Donghyuck cracked a smile at this, and Taeil kissed the side of his mouth. “I do think about you. The way you kiss me. The way you sound. You’re so attractive, baby, you know you are.”

“Would you hit on me in a club?” Donghyuck asked, voice small, and Taeil threw his head back to laugh. 

“I’d fight everyone in the club for you,” Taeil pressed close, holding Donghyuck and swaying them both like they were slow dancing in the rain. Donghyuck’s heart _hurt_. “I’d make a complete fool out of myself just to get your number. I’d buy you and all your friends drinks and then get you to ditch them so we could go make out in some dark corner somewhere.”

“Romantic,” Donghyuck sniffed, not willing to admit how caught up in the fantasy he was. “And then?”

“Then I’d ask you to come home with me,” Taeil kissed below Donghyuck’s ear. “And I wouldn’t feel you up in the taxi on the way because I’m a gentleman.”

“Of course,” Donghyuck smiled into Taeil’s hair. “It would be me feeling you up instead.”

“And when I got you home I’d do everything I could to make you feel good. Anything you wanted me to do, because you deserved it.”

“Take me to bed, hyung,” Donghyuck whispered. “That’s what I want.”

Taeil turned off the shower and stepped out, waiting for Donghyuck to follow before enveloping him in a huge towel and drying him off the best he could while Donghyuck stole kisses whenever _he_ could. He took his time as Donghyuck stood drinking in Taeil tenderly running the towel down Donghyuck’s arms and legs, pressing it to his chest and back and ruffling it through his hair. There was no awkwardness between them now when it came to being naked, just a soft familiarity that bloomed into a quick heat the moment clothes were shed. Donghyuck didn’t think he would ever get enough. 

“Go wait for me,” Taeil told him, gesturing with his chin towards the inside of the room as he began to dry himself too. 

They had twin beds, of course, and Donghyuck had debated with himself for almost ten minutes last night before sliding into Taeil’s bed in the dark, wondering if he was going to be gently told to retreat to his own territory. Taeil had instead just silently made space, sleepily murmuring at him to bring over his own pillow. In the morning, feeling somewhat silly, Donghyuck had messed up his own bed to make it look like he’d slept there all night. Just in case. 

He wasn’t planning on sleeping in his own bed again the entire trip, even if it meant waking up sweaty and cramped and with Taeil snoring in his face. Utter bliss.

Donghyuck climbed into Taeil’s bed and got under the covers, pulling them up to his chin because he was still feeling rather exposed and vulnerable emotionally from just now and metaphorical barriers would have to do. Taeil, coming into the room proper a minute later, smirked at him.

“Oh, ready for bed? Okay then, goodnight.”

He got into the other bed as Donghyuck glared at him, only his face visible above the snow-white covers. 

“Are you trying to get me to beg, hyung?” Donghyuck asked, peevish.

“Maybe,” Taeil grinned back at him. “So beg.”

“You want me to beg you to let me suck your cock?” Donghyuck pushed himself up to an elbow, voice dangerous. “You sure about that?”

Taeil’s smile stopped halfway. 

“I want your big cock in my mouth, hyung,” Donghyuck threw the covers off himself. “Please. I want to taste you so badly. I’ve been thinking about it for days.”

“So why are you only asking me now?” Taeil challenged, standing and crossing to Donghyuck, who lay back against the pillows in victory. “One moment you’re so unsure about yourself and the next moment you’re talking dirty to me. What _are_ you?”

Donghyuck just smiled, slow. “Your baby, remember?”

Taeil got onto the bed on his knees between Donghyuck’s spread legs, and Donghyuck hungrily reached for his hips only to have his hands swatted away. 

“What-”

“You want me to show you how to go down on me, right?” Taeil said, getting on his stomach as Donghyuck’s words died in his throat. “So I’m going to show you.”

Donghyuck stared electrified at the sight of Taeil rubbing soothing circles into his thighs, adjusting himself so he was right where he needed to be to easily take Donghyuck’s cock into his mouth. 

“Tell me if it feels good, or if it doesn’t,” Taeil told him with one last glance up at him, and then took Donghyuck’s cock in hand to suckle at the head like it was absolutely no big deal and happened every day. Donghyuck’s whole body tensed almost painfully at the sensation of Taeil’s swirling tongue and the sight of his lips wrapped around Donghyuck’s dick, something his fantasies could never live up to in a million years. He’d been hard since he’d followed Taeil into the shower, and despite the headiness of his cock sliding against Taeil’s wet skin and a little quick groping as they cleaned up after a long day _this_ was. This was something else. 

The sheer intimacy of it was overwhelming and Donghyuck tried desperately to calm down as Taeil worked lower on his cock, unaware of the emotional crisis happening higher up the bed. Taeil hollowed out his cheeks in a way that showed off his cheekbones to a devastating degree, and Donghyuck got lost for a moment just staring at his face; thankfully, Taeil was going slow enough for Donghyuck to wrestle himself under some semblance of control before having to go breathe into a paper bag or something. Donghyuck twisted his fists into the sheets on either side of his hips, wanting to run his hands through Taeil’s hair but afraid to interrupt the master at work as Taeil began to suck harder, laying his tongue flat against the underside of Donghyuck’s cock and bobbing his head as Donghyuck could do nothing but try not to cry at the intense wet heat of Taeil’s mouth. 

So _that’s_ why blowjobs were such a big deal, Donghyuck thought blearily as he felt Taeil take him all the way down and massage the head of Donghyuck’s cock against the back of his throat with his tongue. Donghyuck was sure this must be some kind of advanced level sex expert shit; his thighs trembled uncontrollably at the feeling and he had to turn his head to bite his pillow to muffle the sounds coming out of his mouth.

Donghyuck could barely breathe now, his chest heaving as Taeil sucked him from tip to base and back again, saliva dripping messily down his cock as Taeil pulled off to press Donghyuck’s legs further apart and lap lower. Donghyuck nearly swallowed his own tongue as Taeil licked at his balls, something he never even knew was possible to hope for in this life or the next. He was just getting used to the sensation when Taeil pushed his thighs even further back and ran his tongue over Donghyuck’s rim. 

Donghyuck nearly choked on the curse he let out, trying to sit up and close his legs because Taeil’s mouth was going places and making him feel things he wasn’t prepared for.

“Too much?” Taeil wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and looked up to see Donghyuck flushed red and panting, embarrassed and wanting more at the same time. “I’m sorry, baby.”

“Holy fuck,” was all Donghyuck could whimper. “Do that again. But slowly.”

“How about this?” Taeil asked before lowering his mouth to Donghyuck’s cock once again, gaze flicking up to make sure that Donghyuck was okay, and the eye contact was nearly more than Donghyuck could take. Taeil sucked his cock gently down all the way - apparently ‘gag reflex’ was not a concept Taeil was familiar with, rest in peace Donghyuck - and when he had Donghyuck moaning uselessly against the pillows he slid a thumb down Donghyuck’s saliva-slick perineum to his rim once again, massaging slowly. The slip of his thumb against Donghyuck made a fire heat in his belly, thinking of how his entire body belonged so irrevocably to Taeil now - he’d had his mouth and hands on every part of Donghyuck, writing possession into Donghyuck’s skin.

“Fuck,” Donghyuck babbled, holding himself back from just thrusting into Taeil’s mouth. 

“Good?” Taeil came off to slowly jack him with one hand, stroking easily as his other hand teased Donghyuck in ways that made his mind go crazy imagining those same fingers fucking him until he fell apart. 

“Yeah,” Donghyuck nodded, eyes on the ceiling like he was seeing god. Taeil spit on his cock to further help the slide of his hand - why was that so stupid hot! - and Donghyuck groaned, knowing Taeil was watching his reactions and the moment Taeil nudged just the very tip of his thumb inside Donghyuck the ruined sound he made caused Taeil to moan softly too. 

“Hyung,” Donghyuck begged, not knowing what he was begging for - for Taeil to let him come, for Taeil to keep going with more fingers inside him, for Taeil to fuck him till he cried - but Taeil pressed soothing kisses to Donghyuck’s inner thighs before swallowing him down once more and going faster than before. He fastened his lips tight around Donghyuck and worked the head, using his hand to pump the base in sync, and the new pace made the trembling in Donghyuck’s thighs and the heated fog in his blood bloom in earnest. Taeil reached up with his other hand to tweak at a nipple and Donghyuck yanked at the sheets, dug his heels into the mattress and promptly lost control of his mouth. 

Donghyuck moaned and whimpered and cursed as Taeil worked him to orgasm, pleading and praising and out of his mind by the time Taeil held him down and caught his release in his mouth, waiting till Donghyuck’s poor cock had stopped pulsing before swallowing it all. 

Donghyuck had to blink a few times to clear his vision, unsure he still had bones, or muscles, or higher-order thinking. Taeil had swallowed. Taeil had swallowed his come. Taeil had had his _mouth_ on his _dick_ and Donghyuck didn’t know why there weren’t more odes to blowjobs written everywhere because the sheer ecstasy of having your cock deepthroated had to be one of the seven wonders of the world. Or something. Boy, did he have material in store for their next album.

“Oh, god, how do you keep doing this to me?” he breathed, covering his face with his hands, suddenly embarrassed by the shameless mewling and begging that had been spilling out of his mouth just a minute ago, but Taeil pulled at his arms so Donghyuck’s flushed face was bare. 

“The way you blush is so pretty,” Taeil whispered, and Donghyuck gave up on trying to steady his breathing when Taeil was looking at him like that, like he was something precious to be cherished, like he was the sweetest thing Taeil had ever seen -

Taeil abruptly cleared his throat and sat back. “So. Yeah. It goes something like that.”

“I see,” Donghyuck struggled to reply, and then drowned in Taeil’s soft answering laugh. “Can I try? Are you too tired?”

“You want to?” Taeil asked, looking briefly down between his own legs as if he’d forgotten he’d been half-hard all this time too, or possibly wondering if his dick was safe in the utterly inexperienced jaws of Donghyuck. “You can just try it out. See what it feels like. Don’t try to do too much.”

“I’m definitely not going to be able to match that performance, that’s for sure,” Donghyuck wheezed, sitting up. “You’re going to kill me, Moon Taeil.”

“That was some of my best work, so I’ll take that as a compliment,” Taeil retorted, scooting up the bed so he could get comfortable against the pillows too as Donghyuck moved between his legs in an exchange of their previous positions. “I usually don’t put in that much effort.”

“So lazy,” Donghyuck scolded, hiding the glow he felt at knowing Taeil was trying hard for him. “All those poor other boys.”

“They all seemed happy enough,” Taeil hummed, and Donghyuck rolled his eyes. 

“Enough talk about the other boys you’ve fucked when you’re in bed with me,” Donghyuck ordered, climbing up Taeil’s body for a kiss. 

“You started it,” Taeil smiled, and then pulled back a little at the tiny sound Donghyuck made into his mouth. “What is it, baby?”

“I can taste myself,” Donghyuck murmured, sliding into Taeil’s mouth again to chase it, right at the back of Taeil’s tongue, and before he knew it he was caught up once more in the addiction of kissing Taeil. Taeil’s mouth, Taeil’s breath, Taeil’s smooth warm skin and soft hair and eager hands, delicious kisses like they had all the time in the world and nothing else would satiate their hunger for each other. 

Donghyuck broke away first, watching Taeil languidly open his eyes and move to cup Donghyuck’s face with both hands, cock now fully hard and digging into Donghyuck’s stomach. 

“Talk me through it?” Donghyuck asked, and Taeil reached forward to kiss him one last time in agreement. 

“Go slow,” Taeil said, nestling back into the pillows and spreading his thighs further apart. Donghyuck drank in the sight of Taeil’s cock, thick and veiny against his stomach, and his mouth honest to god began to water. 

“Just try the head first,” Taeil told him softly, taking hold of himself and angling his cock downwards slightly to help guide it into Donghyuck’s mouth; something Donghyuck found so hot he nearly shivered. Taeil feeding him his cock for Donghyuck to worship with his mouth - yeah, sounded about right. 

Donghyuck wet his lips and took the head into his mouth, his own hand replacing Taeil’s to keep his cock steady, and for a second panicked because after this initial step he wasn’t sure what to do. He tried pressing his tongue against it, undulating slowly, and Taeil sighed in response. Donghyuck looked up as best he could at Taeil, wondering if he looked strange or if his teeth were already getting in the way, and Taeil reached out a hand to pet through his hair. 

“Doing good, baby,” he reassured. “Don’t be nervous. Just get used to how it feels.”

Having a cock in your mouth, Donghyuck was fast finding out, wasn’t as easy as porn - or Taeil - made it look. It was an awkward shape and size to have to mold your lips around as he tried to move further down the shaft, and the longer he worked up and down Taeil’s cock the more his jaw was starting to protest. There was saliva running messily down his chin and fingers holding the base of Taeil’s cock, and having to coordinate all this with keeping his teeth covered by his lips and moving his tongue at the same time -

Donghyuck came off Taeil’s cock, disgruntled, and was horrified to see Taeil grinning at him in amusement.

“The faces you’re making,” Taeil laughed softly, smoothing a thumb over Donghyuck’s cheek. “I told you not to try to do too much. You don’t have to make me come.”

Donghyuck whined. 

“This is definitely not something you’re going to master in a day, baby,” Taeil smiled, “But at least you look hot.”

Donghyuck blinked. “Really?”

“Sure. That beautiful face, even if you just look like you’re annoyed at my dick.”

“It’s more uncomfortable than I thought it would be,” Donghyuck pouted. 

“Until you get used to it,” Taeil agreed. “Try different things. Just suck the head when your jaw hurts, or come off completely and use your hands. You don’t have to tighten your lips that much. And when you learn how to relax your throat so that you don’t gag then you can deepthroat and it takes the pressure off your jaw. It just takes practice,” he continued, like he was telling Donghyuck about an alternative recipe for kimchi stew. 

“You said you would talk me through it,” Donghyuck raised his eyes hopefully. “Tell me what to do.”

“You want to continue?” Taeil asked, smoothing his hands over Donghyuck’s hair. 

Donghyuck nodded, already licking his lips again, watching Taeil’s eyes follow the path his tongue took. 

“Okay. Hold the bottom with just the head in your mouth again, like just now,” Taeil said, Donghyuck obeying and repressing another shiver that went through him at the way Taeil’s voice lowered a little. 

“Suck, just like that, use your tongue. You remember how I did it? Try that.”

Donghyuck moved his tongue in a messy lick and swirl, more saliva escaping his mouth and pooling in the nest of hair at the base of Taeil’s cock. Taeil exhaled. 

“Yeah, baby. That’s good. You can make your tongue flat against the underside - yeah - and rub your tongue back and forth. You can do it harder - oh.”

“You like that?” Donghyuck came off to murmur, feeling Taeil’s cock throb in his hand. 

“Yeah, I like that,” Taeil breathed, and Donghyuck felt the blood begin to get hectic in his veins and creep up his neck. “Try to take more in now. Just relax and go lower, and if you can, use your tongue. Slide back up - yeah, baby, that’s right, try it again-” 

Taeil broke off with a small moan that he looked almost embarrassed by and Donghyuck bit back his own answering whimper. “You’re doing so well, Hyuckie. So good. So pretty.”

Fuck, this was too much - Donghyuck almost quivered at the praise, wondering how much more he could take of Taeil’s voice telling him how to suck his cock. _God, I really am so fucking gone for this man_.

“If your jaw hurts come off and use your hands. Just jerk me off. Yeah. Good b-” Taeil stopped abruptly, and Donghyuck didn’t dare to look up as he pumped Taeil’s cock. If Taeil had gone ahead and called him a good boy he would have gotten hard again on the spot and started rutting like an animal into the mattress. 

“Now try to see how much you can take. Go very slow. Keep breathing through your nose, and just relax. You can do it.”

Donghyuck took in a breath and tried his best to open his throat, wanting to keep going until his nose was buried in the hair at the base of Taeil’s cock but also afraid to gag and choke. He kept himself in tight control, working lower and lower until he could feel the head of Taeil’s cock breach his throat - and then his gag reflex kicked in strongly and he had to come off, gasping with tears pricking his eyes.

“Oh, baby,” Taeil cupped his cheek, thumbing at the wet corner of his mouth. Donghyuck wondered what he looked like that Taeil was staring at him that way “It’s okay. You’ll get used to it. Don’t worry.”

Donghyuck went down again, stubborn, this time anticipating his body’s response when Taeil’s cock bumped the back of his throat and breathing through it, forcing himself to relax and take Taeil deeper. It was an interesting sensation, having a cock down your throat - so many new and rewarding experiences today, especially when Taeil groaned above him and ran fitful fingers through his hair as if he wanted to keep Donghyuck there. 

Donghyuck came off, a long trail of spit connecting his bottom lip to Taeil’s cock, and didn’t miss the long quiet sigh Taeil let out. “Is this what they mean when they talk about fucking someone’s mouth?”

“What?”

“Taking it into your throat. Is it?”

“I think it’s more that the - uh, receiver? Stays still while the other person thrusts into their mouth. However deep they go is up to them- oh,” Taeil lit up. “I just thought of something I can show you next time. It’s really hot.”

 _That means I’m going to die_ , Donghyuck thought. “Can you show me now?”

“You’ll need to get hard again,” Taeil explained. “It’s this position where I lie on my back on the bed with my head hanging off the edge a bit so you can stand and fuck my mouth and you’ll be able to see your cock moving in my throat. I mean - well. I find it hot, at least.”

“Oh,” Donghyuck said faintly, brain on overload and cock twitching feebly in great but impotent desire underneath him. “Do you want to do it to me?”

“No,” Taeil frowned slightly. “You can’t just yet, you’ll choke. You can keep it in mind for later on when you’re with - someone else.”

Donghyuck raised his eyes slowly to Taeil’s, who looked away.

“Come here, it’s getting late. You did really well for your first try, baby,” Taeil sat forward and pulled him up by the elbows, wincing when he felt the sopping wet spot on the bed. “Let’s use your bed tonight.” Donghyuck followed wordlessly, mind suddenly empty. 

He settled into Taeil’s side as usual after Taeil turned off the lights, trying to breathe the blankness in his chest away.

“What about you?” he whispered, annoyed at himself for reacting this way. “I can use my hands-”

“It’s okay,” Taeil soothed, pressing a kiss into his hair. “I don’t have to come. Because of you I’ve already had way more orgasms in the past two weeks than I have in the past few years. That I didn’t give myself, I mean.”

“Years? Really?”

“Yeah. Two - yeah, that’s right, two years.”

“You really haven’t had sex in two years? And you’re still this good?”

Taeil laughed then, a burst of amusement like a bright flash in the darkness of the room easing the unease in Donghyuck’s heart. “It’s not like you can forget how to do it. And I’m not that good, stop saying that.”

“Who was it?” Donghyuck couldn’t help but ask. “And why did you stop?”

Taeil was quiet for a while, and Donghyuck traced patterns into the soft skin of Taeil’s chest while he waited. 

“I don’t think I can tell you who. We both agreed it would stay between us.”

Donghyuck sat up, trying to make out Taeil’s face in the darkness while curiosity flared within him. “Why? Do I know him?”

“Baby-”

“Please! I won’t tell anyone.”

“No,” Donghyuck could just make out Taeil shaking his head. “I’m not telling you who because yeah, you do know him. It lasted for about.. two months? For me it was more just physical and wanting to be close to someone that I already liked as a friend, but for him - he was hurt pretty bad when it ended. I mean, it ended because he was catching too many feelings. I didn’t want to promise him anything I couldn’t deliver.”

“Heartbreaker,” Donghyuck breathed, feeling a strong feeling of sympathy for this mystery man. He could relate, hard. 

“That’s the thing, I didn’t want to end up breaking his heart,” Taeil said, sounding regretful. “He told me later he didn’t know sleeping together would make him start to fall for me.”

“That’s like something Johnny hyung told me,” Donghyuck said, lying down again and in the jostling of their bodies he missed the way Taeil held his breath.

“...Johnny?”

“Yeah. He said he can’t fuck without feelings.”

“Mmm,” Taeil answered. “I see.”

“Are you sure you can’t tell me who?”

Taeil flicked Donghyuck’s nose lightly. “No. Now go to sleep, we have to be out the whole day tomorrow.”

“Will you tell me tomorrow?”

“I’m telling you _never_. Goodnight, Hyuckie.”

Donghyuck stayed silent then, letting Taeil do his nighttime routine of fidgeting himself into a comfortable position for sleep.

_I mean, it ended because he was catching too many feelings. I didn’t want to promise him anything I couldn’t deliver._

_I didn’t want to end up breaking his heart. He told me later he didn’t realise sleeping together would make him start to fall for me._

It didn’t matter that sometimes it felt like Taeil returned his feelings; that when Donghyuck pushed his luck, Taeil willingly gave in. It didn’t matter that Donghyuck couldn’t explain why Taeil was alright with the closeness of sleeping in the same bed like lovers who couldn’t bear to be apart, or why sometimes Taeil looked at him like - Johnny hyung’s words - like Donghyuck was the only person in the room. Maybe they were both just sexdrunk, soaking in sexual intimacy until it felt like real emotion, compounded by the fact they both did already love each other.

Donghyuck encased his feelings in yet another layer of protection and disguise, and tried once again to make his peace with the fact that Taeil would never know about them.

“Love you, hyung,” he whispered, looking at the vague outline of Taeil in the darkness.

“Love you too,” Taeil rumbled back, already half-asleep.

**

The world ended two days later when Donghyuck least expected it. 

It had started as per usual - full of work from early morning, just like the day before where if Taeil hadn’t shoved him in the shower when they’d finally gotten back to the hotel and then propelled him towards the bed he would have collapsed unconscious on the carpet. Even while working he was still roiling with curiosity over whom Taeil had been fucking two years back - he ran through his mind again and again the list of close and possibly gay friends Taeil had because he was sure it couldn’t have been a group member; Donghyuck felt like he would have been able to pick up on any in-love-with-Taeil vibes any of the others were giving off since he was the number one vibe-giver in that respect. Unfortunately, Taeil had proven to be as immovable as a rock even though Donghyuck had been trying his darndest to lure the information out of Taeil. 

“Please tell me?” Donghyuck asked again with a roll of his hips against the hard length he could feel trapped inside Taeil’s jeans, straddling Taeil on the bed where he’d strategically accosted him before they had to leave for their last big dinner in America. 

“No,” Taeil smiled into the kiss he pressed to Donghyuck’s lips, grinding up and huffing with amusement into Donghyuck’s waiting mouth when Donghyuck let out a moan despite himself. “I told you I’m not going to tell.”

“But why,” Donghyuck whined, kissing Taeil once more as their hips moved together, wishing they were doing this naked instead because the bulge of Taeil’s cock between his own legs was driving him crazy. “Oh, god, I can’t wait till I can have you inside me.”

“Ah. About that,” Taeil said, holding Donghyuck by the waist and moving him slightly away. “I need to tell you something.”

“Oh my god, you don’t want to?” Donghyuck asked, the sky threatening to come crashing down on him. So close!! This couldn’t happen now when he was so close!

“No, I - um,” Taeil stopped, uncharacteristically shy. “I didn’t mean to not tell you? But I also didn’t realise at first that you wanted - okay, here it is. I’ve never fucked anyone. I’ve always bottomed.”

Donghyuck blinked, and then blinked again. “You’ve never-”

“Yeah,” Taeil answered, tips of his ears pink. “So. I’m not sure if that’s - if you’re okay with that? I mean, I get it if you actually wanted someone who had experience topping-”

“What you’re saying is,” Donghyuck interrupted, mind and body on fire. “That instead of you fucking me.. I fuck you instead?”

“If you want,” Taeil swallowed. “I mean, it’s not like I refuse to top, it’s just that I’ve never done it before. You know?”

Donghyuck had to breathe for a moment. “Oh, my god, hyung.”

“I’m sorry,” Taeil said quickly. “I didn’t mean to disappoint you.”

“ _Disappoint_ me?” Donghyuck’s voice cracked. “Hyung, what I’m feeling right now is very far from disappointment.”

“Really?” Taeil looked into Donghyuck’s eyes. “You’re okay with this?”

Donghyuck ran light fingers over Taeil’s cheek in reassurance. “Are you?”

“Yeah,” Taeil nodded, ears still red. “I’ve been thinking about it.”

“Fuck,” Donghyuck cursed softly, kissing Taeil desperately. “Hyung, _fuck_. Does that mean if you - if you fuck me, it’d be your first time too?”

The realisation dawned so beautifully on Taeil’s face that Donghyuck almost wanted to cry. 

“That’s so perfect,” Donghyuck whispered, nuzzling their faces together and shutting his eyes. “So perfect. God _fuck_ why do we have to go to this dinner!”

“It’s not like we can do it now, anyway,” Taeil laughed as Donghyuck played with his warm flushed ears. 

“Why not!”

“We don’t have lube,” Taeil raised an eyebrow at Donghyuck. 

“This is America,” Donghyuck declared. “Surely there’s shops that sell lube everywhere.”

“Hyuckie!” Taeil collapsed back on the bed laughing. 

“We can ask Johnny hyung to buy us some after the dinner,” Donghyuck suggested. “He’ll know where to go.”

Taeil sat up, eyeing Donghyuck seriously. “We’re not asking Johnny to buy us lube. Come on, we have to go.”

Taeil dragged Donghyuck after him like a reluctant balloon, Donghyuck whining all the way downstairs in loud korean because he knew nobody else they met in the lift or in the lobby could understand his complaints about wanting to fuck while Taeil’s face grew redder and redder both from trying not to laugh and because Donghyuck was getting rather explicit. 

“-want to fill you up - oh, hey, hyung,” Donghyuck greeted Mark, switching so fast to a normal tone and smile Taeil nearly lost it right there just inside the hotel’s double doors. 

“Hey, you’re here!” Mark beamed happily at them, Taeil going soft round the edges. Mark Lee was such an angel. 

“Don’t smile at him like that,” Donghyuck sniped at Mark. “He’ll leave me and fall in love with you.”

“Hey,” Mark held up his hands, giggling the way he always did. “Don’t want to be a homewrecker.”

“Who’s a homewrecker?” Jaehyun turned around to ask, swinging Yuta along too with the arm he had around Yuta’s shoulders. 

“Mark is,” Donghyuck pouted sadly. 

“How dare you!” Yuta said, scandalised. “Mark has done no wrong in his entire life, except steal my heart.”

“He can’t have stolen your heart,” Doyoung leaned in while Mark sputtered away. “I already had it.”

“I thought you loved only me!” Jungwoo yelped, and Donghyuck heaved a quiet sigh of relief watching all this. He’d been second-guessing if he’d been acting too obviously around Taeil lately like Johnny had told him, but with the way everybody was behaving - and this was very tame by their standards - nobody had batted an eye at the fact that him and Taeil had come downstairs holding hands. One perk of being in love with Taeil for years, Donghyuck thought - everybody was so used to him always hanging off Taeil that it was just part of the regular scenery by now.

“Where’s Johnny?” Taeyong interjected, as more nonsense erupted between Yuta and Jungwoo who had begun to seriously duel with pretend-swords over Yuta’s infidelity. “The vans are here and the American staff and our other people are already waiting at the restaurant. We need to leave like, now.”

“Let’s all get into the vans first. The last one can wait for him,” Doyoung suggested, and they plus the remainder of their crew started to move outside. The last van ended up being the one with Donghyuck and Taeil in the backseat as well as an admin staff up next to the driver quietly waiting until Johnny appeared, panting, in the door.

“Sorry!” Johnny folded his long self into the seat next to Taeil. “Sorry, sorry. We can go now.”

“What happened?” Taeil asked, Johnny’s thigh pressing flush against his own because he was two metres tall and had too much leg. 

“Damn Jungwoo hid my phone,” Johnny grumbled. “Just because I hid his the day before. So childish.”

Donghyuck, taking the opportunity to reclaim Taeil’s hand since it was just Johnny and they didn’t have to hide in front of him, pretended to glare at their legs. “Don’t be making moves on my man, Seo Johnny. Keep your freakishly long legs to yourself.”

Johnny cleared his throat exaggeratedly and sat up, closing his legs as best he could. “My apologies, sir. Never thought you would be the overly attached clingy type.”

Donghyuck scoffed. “According to yourself, so are you, Mr I Fall In Love With The People I Fuck. Pot, meet kettle.”

The horrified look Johnny shot him as Taeil went very, very still stole the next words out of Donghyuck’s mouth, making him feel like he’d had the rug unceremoniously pulled out from under him. 

Johnny cleared his throat again, out of real nervousness this time, and started to rattle on about what kind of food they’ll be having later as Taeil stared straight ahead. Donghyuck looked between the two of them, wondering if he’d just gone insane or something. 

And then it hit him, and it felt like noise and vision both slowed down around them in the back of the van as the driver whistled to himself and their staff listened to her music and Johnny wouldn’t fucking shut up about the restaurant, Taeil trying his best to nod along, hand limp in Donghyuck’s. 

“Oh my god,” Donghyuck said, barely audible. “It was Johnny.”

**

Donghyuck burst out of the van the moment they pulled into the restaurant’s parking lot and made a beeline for Mark and the others waiting to go in. He threw himself into the conversation, possibly too brightly and too loudly; but he was Haechan, and Haechan was bright and loud, so nobody looked askance at him. Before they moved to go into the restaurant he felt Taeil take his elbow and say his name but without turning back he shrugged his arm, making Taeil let go. 

It was a mess of people inside - they’d booked out an entire section of the restaurant for their American crew as a thank you for a successful wrap-up of the activities here this time, and with their korean staff and managers and the nine of them it was _loud_. They’d had to break up into separate tables and Donghyuck grabbed Mark, making sure they sat next to each other with some American guy on his other side, and then proceeded to ignore both Taeil and Johnny the entire dinner. 

He laughed and talked and ate, Mark helping him with conversation with the guy on his right - an events company intern, attached to one of the managers as a personal assistant. Adrian - Donghyuck tried out the foreign syllables, making the guy beam - was pretty funny, telling them stories about his boss’ meltdowns and his first impressions of all of the members; making Mark laugh so hard at his reenactment of this particular fan going crazy at seeing Taeyong at yesterday’s performance that Mark nearly snorted ginger ale out of his nose. 

Donghyuck smiled at Adrian, appreciating the distraction of a nice-looking American boy while his brain squalled with confused thoughts about what he’d just found out. He didn’t know if he was feeling jealous, or upset, or betrayed, or at whom exactly - it wasn’t like Taeil was cheating on him, or cheating on Johnny with him, but the fact that Johnny had encouraged Donghyuck to start this whole thing with Taeil knowing full well what had happened the last time Taeil was sleeping with someone who had feelings for him - 

“Hey, you okay?” Adrian waved in Donghyuck’s face. He had nice dimples. “Tired?”

“Yes, a bit,” Donghyuck answered carefully in English. His English was probably one of the best in 127, barring the obvious three, as long as whomever was speaking to him went slowly and gave him enough time to answer. “Are you having fun?”

“Yeah, since I’m seated next to you,” Adrian replied, smiling easily. 

Donghyuck’s brain fizzed slightly. “Me?”

“Yeah,” Adrian took a drink of his beer before twisting in his seat to fully face Donghyuck. Over twenty-one, Donghyuck noted. At least twenty-two in Korea. “I’ve actually been trying to find a way to talk to you but you’ve always been super busy. You’re a really good performer, man. It’s amazing to watch you.”

“Thank you,” Donghyuck said automatically, slowly going over what Adrian had said because his English mind processor had only been able to get up to ‘good performer’ before getting overwhelmed. “But I’m not that good.”

“Are you crazy?” Adrian waved his hands, before setting one deliberately on Donghyuck’s forearm. “I couldn’t take my eyes off you. Every performance.”

“Really?” Donghyuck gulped.

“Yeah,” Adrian smiled, and sweetly rubbed his thumb into Donghyuck’s skin. “And I’m hoping that this fan can get to know you a bit better.”

It belatedly registered at the back of Donghyuck’s mind like a punch through a wall of molasses that he was very possibly-almost definitely being flirted with, and he sent a quick look at Mark to find that he was talking earnestly with one of their own staff at another table. This was unprecedented. A guy showing interest in him in public at a dinner surrounded by people - Donghyuck floundered, and made the mistake of doing what he always did when he was flustered; search for Taeil. 

Taeil was already looking at him from where he was seated diagonally across at another table, next to Johnny, and the expression on his face made something in Donghyuck’s chest physically twist. Taeil must have seen it reflected in Donghyuck’s eyes because he gestured ever so slightly with his head towards the back of the restaurant, where the outdoor bathrooms were. 

“Sorry - wait please, I will come back,” Donghyuck told Adrian, excusing himself and getting up as Taeil did the same, the both of them taking separate routes through the restaurant until they walked through to the open-air yard that housed the bathrooms and a pretty little garden. 

Taeil turned to him, apology already written all over his face. “Baby, I’m sorry.”

Donghyuck winced slightly, reluctantly thinking of how that pet name was something else Johnny and Taeil shared. 

“I didn’t mean to keep it from you. But it wasn’t just my secret to tell. And it was years ago. There’s nothing between us anymore, I promise.”

“Why are you acting like a boyfriend that just got caught cheating?” Donghyuck asked, voice low. “It doesn’t matter, right? We’re not together.”

Taeil stood there helplessly. “You’re clearly upset. I don’t know what else to say.”

“Hyung - it was a shock, okay? Not everyday you find out your roommate and your-” Donghyuck stopped, unable to find the right description for what Taeil was to him at the moment so he just gestured at him, “used to fuck. And yeah, maybe I’m just pretty weirded out right now.”

“You’re not angry at me?” Taeil asked uncertainly.

“I’m just-” Donghyuck started, frustrated. “I don’t know how to feel about this, hyung. I know you didn’t mean to keep it from me and I know it was some time ago but it’s still-? I just found out you guys have this whole history that I never knew about, and it’s just fucking _weird_ that Johnny hyung is the one who encouraged me to start this thing with you after things ended badly with you guys.”

Taeil took a step closer, eyes burning. “But this is different, right?” 

Donghyuck swallowed, unable to look away. “What is?” 

“This thing you and I are doing. It’s not like what Johnny and I had, right?”

Donghyuck could feel the pounding of his heart in his chest, not least of all because he was seized by a horrible inaction and fear wrapped around his tongue. Did Taeil mean it wasn’t the same because he thought Donghyuck didn’t have feelings for him? Or did he mean something else? 

Taeil took another step forward, bringing him barely a touch away. “Are we different, Hyuckie?”

“Hey, Haechan?”

Donghyuck and Taeil both turned to look at Adrian, standing a few paces away. 

“Um. My team has to head back first for a quick debriefing but - I’m just gonna put myself out here and say it, ‘kay? You know we’re in the same hotel, right? My room’s 507. If you wanna drop by later.”

“What’s he saying?” Taeil whispered. 

“He’s asking me to go to his room,” Donghyuck whispered back in disbelief. 

Adrian watched Taeil turn to Donghyuck in shock before belatedly registering how close together they were standing and took a half step back. “Shit, am I interrupting something? You two aren’t - are you two together? Fuck, you are, aren’t you? You were always together these few days.”

“What’s he saying now?” Taeil asked. 

Donghyuck searched Taeil’s face with an intensity he’s sure wasn’t lost on Adrian. “He’s asking if we’re together.”

“What?” Taeil turned to Adrian and continued in his limited English. “No! Not couple.”

Donghyuck stared at Taeil as he heard Adrian gush in relief as if from a mile away. 

“You want me to go to his room?” Donghyuck asked in korean, ignoring Adrian. 

“If that’s what you want,” Taeil looked down, and then away. “He seems like a nice person. He was smiling at you a lot during dinner.”

“You were watching, huh?” Donghyuck asked bitterly. Taeil didn’t answer. 

“507, right?” Donghyuck smiled at Adrian, and walked towards him, leaving Taeil behind. “What time?”

 _Two for two, Taeil hyung_ , Donghyuck thought, a crushing flatness expanding within his chest as Adrian smiled happily at him. _Another one to add to your jar of broken hearts._

**

Donghyuck remembers being passed a beer surreptitiously by someone, and then another, and then a few more when they realised nobody cared about Mark or him still being underage by American standards, and then suddenly he was in front of a hotel room door with someone holding him up. 

Donghyuck squinted at him. “Oh, it’s you again.”

Mark rolled his eyes and pressed the doorbell, and when it opened he dumped Donghyuck into the waiting pair of arms. 

“This is what you guys stayed back for? To get stupid drunk?” Johnny’s unimpressed voice in english cut through the swirly clouds in Donghyuck’s brain and he reared back to look up, and up, and up at Johnny. 

“Hello, dick sister,” he giggled, and then immediately punched Johnny in the chest. “I hate you so much.”

Johnny glared at Mark, who had the grace to look ashamed. “He’s not a good drinker.”

“No, he isn’t,” Johnny sighed. “Please erase the dick sisters part from your memory.”

Mark made a face of sheer regret. “Kinda too late. I know way more than I ever wanted to because he wouldn’t shut up about it the entire cab ride here.”

“Fuck. And he was still asking for me?”

“Yeah, to kick your ass,” Donghyuck slurred. “Did I tell you I hate you? Taeil hyung is _mine_. You already knew I was in love with him two years ago!”

“Let’s not do this in the hallway,” Johnny cringed, dragging Donghyuck into the room before sending Mark a sincerely contrite look. “Look, thanks for bringing him back here. Can you let Jungwoo crash at yours for a while? Until I sort this out?”

“All good, man. He’s already there with Taeyong and Doyoung hyungs. They’re drinking too, before you get mad at me for letting Hyuckie drink.”

Johnny shook his head. “Thanks, Markie.”

“Take care of him, okay?” Mark nodded at Donghyuck, whom Johnny had lowered onto his bed. “Clearly I - there’s a lot I’ve missed lately.”

Johnny made a brief face of acquiescence before closing the room door and turning around to survey Donghyuck, who was now struggling to take off his shoes. He bent down to help, Donghyuck scowling once he re-registered Johnny’s presence. 

“I’m sorry we kept it from you, okay? It’s just not something you go around telling people. Especially when it ended like it did for me. I was embarrassed, and upset, and so scared he wouldn’t be my friend anymore. And he felt so bad about it too, we just - I think we both just wanted to forget it happened.”

Donghyuck sat on Johnny’s bed barefoot, looking small and ruffled, and Johnny let himself slump onto the floor. “Why am I telling you all this now? You’re too drunk.”

“I’m not that drunk,” Donghyuck mumbled. “I was worse earlier. It’s just fun to mess with Mark.”

“How much did you drink?”

“Not enough,” Donghyuck laughed, and the sound was sour. 

“I really am sorry-” Johnny started, but Donghyuck shook his head. 

“Not because of that. Taeil hyung and I talked about it. I think I am fucking jealous that you slept with him but that’s whatever. I just don’t understand why you would encourage me to do the same thing with him that you did when you already knew I had feelings for him. Like, did you _want_ me to get hurt? To teach me a lesson?”

“Of course not! I didn’t mean to do anything to hurt you, okay?” Johnny got on his knees, urgent. “You were the one going on and on about how you could have sex with anyone and you just wanted to learn how to do it. And I warned you not to get in too deep!”

Donghyuck just stared at him until Johnny sighed. “I knew you would go ahead with this scheme whether or not it was me or Taeil because you’re a demon who always does whatever the hell he wants. I thought that by pushing you in Taeil’s direction it would be safer because he would take care of you and keep you in check. And it’s working, right?” Johnny helped Donghyuck out of his hoodie, and when Donghyuck’s face reappeared after Johnny pulled the hoodie off his eyes were swimming with tears. 

“What-” Johnny cupped Donghyuck’s face, getting back on the bed so he could look at him properly. “What is it?”

“Why doesn’t he want me?” Donghyuck’s breath stuttered, tears falling down his cheeks faster than he could blink them back. “Someone asked me - this American - to go to his room - and he thought - we were together - and hyung said no - and told me to go-”

Johnny pulled Donghyuck into his lap where Donghyuck pressed his face into Johnny’s neck, unable to hold back his sobs. Johnny rocked him, murmuring soothing nonsense into his hair as Donghyuck cried his heart out until there was nothing left, his body growing limp and tired against Johnny. 

“Just so you know, I didn’t understand a word of what you said,” Johnny joked softly, trying to get Donghyuck to smile. 

Donghyuck sniffled, and the sound was so sad Johnny tightened his arms around Donghyuck. “We were arguing - no, not arguing. Talking about the two of you. He said nothing was going on between you anymore, and then suddenly he asked me if me and him were different from _you_ and him, and I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what he wanted to hear, and then this guy, the American crew guy that was sitting next to me at dinner? He came out and asked me if I wanted to go back to his room when I got back to the hotel-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Johnny stopped him. “What? Asked you to go back to his room? And Taeil hyung was right there?”

“Yeah. He was kind of really flirting with me at dinner.”

“Holy shit.”

“Mmm,” Donghyuck mused, letting it sink in properly now. “Can you imagine if this were a month ago? I’d gladly have gone and let that white boy fuck me. Now? Here I am, crying in your lap.”

“Because…?”

“Oh, right. Because Taeil hyung told me to go. Because the guy looked like ‘a nice person’. Because apparently Taeil hyung doesn’t care if I fuck someone else.”

Johnny pressed his lips together, and Donghyuck frowned, looking at him. “Oh, don’t make that face. I know, okay? I know you told me to stay in control of my feelings and I fucking didn’t.”

“It’s kind of hard to, with him,” Johnny said softly, giving in. 

Donghyuck took a deep breath and put his arms around Johnny’s shoulders for a hug, Johnny holding him securely. 

Johnny’s phone on the bed beside them lit up then, and Johnny read Mark’s kakao message over Donghyuck’s head. 

_Is he okay? He tried to kiss me in the cab. Can’t say that hasn’t happened before but this was like, major tongue, dude. I’m still kinda shaking._

Johnny snorted despite himself. “You tried to kiss Mark?”

Donghyuck tore away from Johnny and stared at him in horror. “How do you know?”

“He just messaged me. I think you traumatised him.”

“Seriously?” Donghyuck groaned, letting his head fall to Johnny’s collarbone. “See, I _told_ you if I asked him to fuck me he’d die if he’s acting this way over one simple kiss.”

“With tongue.”

“Of course with tongue. I was in despair and emotionally desperate for love.”

“How many times have you tried to kiss him?”

Donghyuck pulled back and narrowed his eyes at Johnny. “How am I supposed to know? Once every other week? He’s fun to tease.”

“Rest in pieces, Mark Lee.”

Donghyuck sighed, tearing up again. “I’ve been so caught up in this Taeil hyung thing I’ve been neglecting him but he still took care of me tonight. He’s such a good friend.”

“You must still be drunk if you’re crying over Mark, now.”

“I said I was emotionally desperate for love, okay? I’m fragile.”

“When are you going to start crying over me? I’m holding you and comforting you and shit.”

“Fuck right off, hyung,” Donghyuck said, nestling closer. “What am I going to do about Moon Taeil?”

“Do you want my tried and tested getting over Taeil hyung formula? It’ll take about three to six months, though.”

“Do you really think I’ve never tried to get over him? I can’t do this anymore. Good thing we never got to go all the way,” Donghyuck said, mournfully. “Once and never again, I think I’d die.”

“Mmm,” Johnny hummed, looking like he was far away until Donghyuck pinched him hard on the thigh. 

“Don’t you dare start thinking about what it was like fucking him. I will actually kill you.”

“God, we really are dick sisters,” Johnny complained, and Donghyuck started laughing despite the still-gaping hole in his chest. “So you’re not going to that American boy’s room?”

“Fuck no. What if I get murdered?”

“Why the hell would you get murdered?”

“You never know,” Donghyuck said evasively. “Guns, and all that.”

“I am literally from Chicago and I can tell you you’re not going to get murdered if you go to that guy’s room. Maybe a good blowjob will take your mind off things.”

“I only want one person to blow me,” Donghyuck said stubbornly. “And I don’t even want to see him right now. Come to think of it, I don’t know if I want to see _you_ right now. I forgot I was mad at you.”

“What now?”

“How could you sleep with him when you knew I was crushing on him so badly?”

“One, you weren’t even nineteen yet. Two, it was never supposed to be anything serious. _Three_ , if one night Moon Taeil kisses you after you’ve gone out together for supper and ice cream, you don’t fucking say no.”

Donghyuck tsk’ed, put out. “Fine. If I had been in your shoes I wouldn’t have said no, either. But you’re still a traitor.”

“Are you going to go back to your room tonight?” Johnny ignored that last jab, resuming rocking Donghyuck in his arms slowly. 

“No!” Donghyuck curled a hand in Johnny’s shirt. “Please let me crash here? I can’t see him right now. I can’t even think properly around him.”

“You know he’s probably driving himself crazy worrying about you.”

“Yeah,” Donghyuck muttered. “He’s been texting me.”

“At least tell him you made it back to the hotel safely. Don’t torture him like that.”

“What does he care? For all he knows I’m being fucked by Adrian the American _right now_.”

Johnny pinched the soft skin of Donghyuck’s waist, making Donghyuck yelp. “Don’t be a brat. He probably thought that was what you wanted.”

“How can he possibly think that I want to fuck anyone else but him?” Donghyuck sat up, exasperated to the tips of his hair. “How much more obvious can I _get_ , hyung? One look at us and Adrian was asking if we were together. If someone who’s known us for four days can ask that why can’t he see it? I’ll tell you why. Because he doesn’t _want_ to.”

“Then you just have to accept it too, baby,” Johnny declared, and sent Donghyuck a look when Donghyuck flinched. “Can I still not call you that? Is it tainted forever?”

“Call me something else. Literally anything but that.”

“Small child. Infant. Tiny demon. Short and troublesome.”

Donghyuck struggled out of Johnny’s lap, displeased, and headed towards the bathroom. “I’m going to shower and then go to sleep. I’ve had enough of today.”

_12:23am - he’s with me tonight. he’s okay. try to get some sleep._

Johnny sent the message off to Taeil and thought for a moment, before scrolling up to his chat with Mark. 

_12:24am - can you keep jungwoo with you tonight?_

__

_\- dude, he’s already passed out in TY hyung’s bed._

__

__

__

_12:24am - also yeah, hyuckie’s okay. since you know everything by now you know that if he used too much tongue on you, you can blame taeil hyung for not teaching him well enough._

_\- WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT TO ME???????????????_

Johnny laughed soundlessly to himself as he got ready for bed. 

**

Donghyuck let himself into his room, cursing the loud beeping of the door when it accepted his keycard. Maybe Taeil had already packed up and left, eating breakfast downstairs before they all had to leave. _Please, please, please_ , Donghyuck prayed, toeing off his shoes and feeling his heart drop into his stomach at the sight of Taeil’s shoes just inside the door. _Of course_.

“Hyuckie?” Taeil appeared immediately from out of the bathroom, holding a half-packed bag of toiletries. 

“Hey, hyung,” Donghyuck sent him a quick smile and then avoided his eyes as Donghyuck got ready to lie. “Got back to the hotel too late last night, didn’t want to disturb you.”

“What time did you reach? You could have come back here, you know I wouldn’t have minded.”

“About two a.m., I think.” Donghyuck ignored the pounding of his heart and opened his suitcase to start filling it. 

“Two a.m.,” Taeil repeated. “So where did you sleep?”

“Remember the American guy from last night?” The words almost cut through his tongue as he said them, straightening up and forcing himself to look Taeil in the face. “And, uh. We did it. Him and I. So. You - we don’t have to do anything anymore. Thanks, but. Yeah.”

Taeil just stared at him until Donghyuck couldn’t take it anymore and broke eye contact. “Have you finished packing, hyung?”

“Almost,” Taeil replied shortly, turning around to go back into the bathroom. “See you downstairs.”

**

It took a few days for the rest of the world to be unbalanced by the sun and moon’s dysfunction. It was a long flight back to Korea, and then when they arrived they all slept for the better part of a day and then walked around their dorms and the immediate vicinity in the middle of the night like zombies because of jet lag no matter how much melatonin they took. It was only on the third day when they all had to go to work because life carried on no matter what that it was clear something was wrong in the neocity household. 

“Is something up with the two of them again?” Taeyong murmured in confusion to Johnny at the end of the day, having watched Taeil and Donghyuck stay on opposite sides of the group at all times and not even look in each other’s direction. “Before this you couldn’t pry them apart and now they’re like repelling magnets.”

Johnny swallowed. “Well, they’re geminis.”

“I still don’t know what that means,” Taeyong tried to glare, which was as effective as a lion cub trying to roar. 

Johnny gave up. “Neither do I.”

They weren’t even trying to hide it as the days went on. They’d laugh and talk and joke as normal but as soon as they had to interact with each other they were extremely polite and civil like perfect strangers and it left everyone around them feeling wrongfooted. 

“This is like Mercury in retrograde, but worse,” Yuta muttered. “What the hell could they be fighting about?”

Johnny could only shrug helplessly. They’d had frosty silences between two fighting members before, of course, but somehow this was worse; the customer-service smiles and emotionless voices that sat like ill-fitting clothes on a pair usually joined at the hip just made everyone nervous. 

“We’re all tired of the two of you, just so you know,” Johnny told Donghyuck point-blank one night in their room. 

Donghyuck snorted insolently. 

“What is even going on? Are you fighting? _What?_ ”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re perfectly normal.”

Not for the first time, Johnny felt the need to throw Donghyuck out of their room’s window. “I’m assuming you’re the one being unreasonable.”

Donghyuck snorted again, eyes not moving from his laptop. “Sure.”

“Hyuckie? Look at me,” Johnny spun Donghyuck’s chair around, Donghyuck letting out an indignant noise. “What. Is. Going. On.”

Donghyuck shrugged, looking sullen. “I’m just reacting to him the way he’s reacting to me.”

“You’re saying he’s the one ignoring you? I find that hard to believe.”

“Go talk to him, then,” Donghyuck said defiantly. 

“Fine. I will. In fact, I’ll go now,” Johnny stood up, Donghyuck scrambling out of his chair after him. 

“What? You’re going to talk to him now?”

“Something to hide?” Johnny raised an eyebrow. 

“No,” Donghyuck stopped. “Just. You’ll tell me what he tells you, right? Whatever it is? I can take it.”

Johnny exhaled incredulously. “Are you telling me that you guys are acting like dumbasses and you haven’t even talked?”

“He hasn’t spoken normally to me since the day we left America,” Donghyuck confessed, voice tight. “He just freezes up when I try to get close and he won’t be alone with me.”

Johnny sighed again, raking his hands down his face. “I can’t believe you two. Since when did I become a relationship counsellor?”

“We’re not in a relationship,” Donghyuck muttered.

“That’s the whole fucking problem!” Johnny threw over his shoulder before leaving their room, taking out his phone to message Yuta. 

_10:56pm - are you in your room with taeil hyung?_

_\- yas_

_10:56pm - stop saying yas. mark should never have taught you that. i’m coming up - do you mind giving me and taeil hyung time to talk?_

_\- ok brother_

Johnny shoved his feet in his shoes and left the lower level dorm to take the elevator up, punching in the access code and nodding hi to Jaehyun lying on the floor in front of the television on his way to Yuta and Taeil’s room.

When he knocked and opened the door to the sight of the perennial mess that was where Yuta and Taeil lived he stopped short at the sight of Yuta still in his bed and smiling at him in welcome. 

He looked at Yuta, and Yuta looked back at him.

“Oh! _Without_ me,” Yuta got up hastily. “Sorry. Will go downstairs and pester Taeyong.”

“He’s not in, he went out with manager hyung,” Johnny told him.

“Will go downstairs and pester Doyoung,” Yuta barely missed a beat. “See you later.”

Taeil watched this entire exchange with a small bemused frown on his face from where he was stretched out on his own bed, feet resting on the small unfolded pile of laundry at the bottom of the mattress. 

“Such a slob,” Johnny greeted him fondly as he closed the door behind Yuta and got to work helpfully folding Taeil’s clothes. “What’s up, hyung?”

“I think I should be asking you that,” Taeil sat up, content to watch Johnny do his chores for him. “Though I can’t say I wasn’t expecting this visit.”

“So what’s going on, then? He’s acting crazy, you’re acting crazy. Matter of time before Taeyong snaps and has a meltdown in the middle of SM from the stress.”

Taeil sighed. “You really sure you want to get in the middle of this, Johnny?”

“I can’t help it, I _live_ with him,” Johnny complained. “He’s snappy and moody with me and I’m about to give him up for adoption. Anyway. I feel like part of this is my fault, too.”

“How is it your fault?”

“Because he would never have said anything to you in the first place if I didn’t suggest asking you to - you know.”

Taeil made a face. “I’m surprised he didn’t ask you.”

“He _did_ ask me. I said no, because-” Johnny gestured between them ruefully, “I fall in love with the people I fuck, as he put it so nicely.”

“That brat,” Taeil tensed his jaw. “He said he didn’t ask you. Just the first in a long line of lies.”

“Uh?” Johnny said eloquently. 

“You know what he told me when he came back to our room the morning we flew back? That he’d only reached the hotel at 2am the night before. And that he’d slept with that American guy and stayed the whole night in his room.”

Johnny raised both eyebrows, and then contemplated walking right out and back downstairs to make good on his recent urge of throwing Donghyuck out of their window. 

“Why the fuck did he do that?” Johnny sighed, running agitated fingers through his hair. “He didn’t know I messaged you when Mark brought him to my room.”

“No, he didn’t,” Taeil replied curtly, Johnny watching a flush begin to creep up his neck out of embarrassment or rare anger. “If he just wanted to call things off he could have just said so. He didn’t have to lie to me.”

“Is that why you’re mad at him now..?” Johnny probed.

Taeil studied Johnny for a few moments before curling into a dejected ball, Johnny having to physically hold himself back from cooing at how cute he looked. “No. I’m not mad at him.”

“Tell Uncle Johnny what’s the matter.”

Taeil glared, and then softened his gaze, reaching out to hold Johnny’s hand briefly. “I’m glad we’re okay. I’m glad I didn’t fuck it up totally with you.”

“Oh, wow, emotions,” Johnny joked to hide a pang of sympathy with his past self. “We both made mistakes, hyung. But I’m glad too.”

“At least you learnt from yours,” Taeil murmured. “I didn't.”

Johnny drew his legs up onto the bed and hugged his knees as he carefully weighed what to say next that wouldn’t give Donghyuck away completely. “Because of whose feelings this time?”

“Mine,” Taeil mumbled, and then growled at himself, curling into a tighter ball so that he just looked like a rumbling circle wearing pajamas. “I’m such an idiot, Johnny. What the hell was I thinking?”

Johnny lowered his legs slowly, unconsciously getting a posture best suited for the reception of this unexpectedly juicy news. “I don’t know, hyung, what were you thinking?”

Taeil looked at him helplessly. “When this started - I swear to god, Johnny, I just wanted to take care of him, show him a good time. It was so sad to me that he was so young and never had the chance to really grow up and have all these life experiences properly, you know? But then really quick - it got complicated? He was sleeping in my bed - like, just sleeping, because he wanted to be with me throughout the night. He’s the one who convinced the staff to let us room together in America so we could continue fooling around. And it felt _natural_. It should have been over in a week. But - I knew what he was doing, trying to drag it out? And I let him because I didn’t want it to end either. Sometimes I didn’t know if he just wanted more sex and I was convenient, or - or, something else, but.”

Taeil took a breath and sent Johnny an apologetic look. “It felt different to when we were sleeping together. So different.”

“And?” Johnny prompted, waving away his apology.

“I just feel like I’ve failed him,” Taeil murmured, and Johnny reared back in disappointment at not getting the confession he was so sure was on the tip of Taeil’s tongue. 

“Because?” Johnny tried again. 

“What kind of hyung am I? What I want from him doesn’t matter. He just wanted a little experience so he could go out and live his life. I’ve been such a disgusting coward, never making the first move so I could just pretend that it was all him. And then-”

“And then?” Johnny begged. 

“When that American staff. Whatever his name was. Did you see? At the dinner? He was putting his hands all over Hyuckie. And then he asked him to come back to his _room_? Are you kidding me? When I was right there?”

“Hyuckie said you told him to go ahead,” Johnny supplied. 

“Because! I was asking him if he thought him and I were the same as you and I and he didn’t answer!”

“How was he supposed to answer?” Johnny demanded, voice going up in pitch in frustration.

Taeil made aggravated circles with his hands. “If he’d said yes then it meant he had no feelings for me. If he’d said no then it meant he _did_ have feelings for me and then I wouldn’t have told him to go with the American guy!”

Johnny dropped his aching head into his hands. “I hate you both so much.”

Taeil made an equally exasperated sound, unfurling himself from his circle. “And Hyuckie looked so devastated when I told the guy that we weren’t together. What else could I have said?! I was just trying to protect us.”

Johnny stretched, breathing deep to calm himself down. This wasn’t even his own romantic bullshit and he was stressed out. “Taeil hyung? Yes or no. Do you like Hyuckie?”

Taeil looked at him stubbornly in silence, but Johnny was a master of meaningful and persuasive eye contact and eyebrow gymnastics. 

“Yes! Because I’m an idiot I’m starting to have feelings for him, yes.”

“Won’t argue with you there. What do you think he feels towards you? Seriously.”

“He likes me too,” Taeil said, defeated. 

“Good, you’re not entirely insane then. So you like him, and he likes you. Everybody’s happy! The end! If I’m not your best man at the wedding I will raise actual hell.”

“Johnny,” Taeil latched on to one of Johnny’s arms desperately. “It’s not that simple. We can’t be together.”

“Why the hell not?” Mark poked his head into the room indignantly. 

“What-” Taeil gestured frantically towards Mark. “What!”

“Uh, he knows everything,” Johnny told Taeil sheepishly. “Though I’m not sure why he was eavesdropping.”

“Yuta hyung said some serious conversation was happening in here when I met him at the lower dorm. I had a good feeling I knew what it was about,” Mark grinned. “And I was right!”

“What do you mean he knows everything?” Taeil asked exasperatedly. 

“Hyuckie spilled the tea in the cab when I was bringing him back to the hotel that night before we came back to Korea,” Mark explained rapidfire, then turned serious. “Taeil hyung, you need to teach him how to control his tongue.”

“Nobody can control his tongue. Clearly he says whatever the hell he wants,” Taeil retorted. 

“I don’t mean while talking. I mean while kis-” Johnny smacked his hand over Mark’s mouth, but it was too late. 

“He _kissed_ you?” Taeil asked, disbelief written all over his face. 

“Thank you, Lee Minhyung,” Johnny deadpanned, dropping his hand. 

“He was drunk! And sad over you?” Mark tried. “I guess he thought you didn’t want him so anybody else would do. Hey,” he realised belatedly. “Was I the rebound?”

“Markie, stop talking,” Johnny instructed. “Look, hyung, the two of you need to talk. I mean it. This situation is just stupid.”

“Johnny, I don’t know how to be a boyfriend. I don’t know how to be a _secret_ boyfriend. I don’t know if that’s what Hyuckie even wants from me!”

“So go ask him!”

“No!”

“Just saying? That’s all he’s wanted from you for like. The past four years,” Mark interrupted, and then mimed zipping his mouth back up. 

“Hyung, if you don’t go down there right now I will _carry_ you there.”

“I told you you’re not allowed to use your strength on me!” Taeil cried, backing into a corner. “I won’t go without a fight. I’m warning you.”

“Markie, you okay to grab his legs?” Johnny said, staring Taeil down.

“Yeah. Sorry, hyung,” Mark told Taeil. “It’s for the greater good.”

After a brief tussle where Mark nearly got kicked in the stomach by a deceptively strong Taeil leggy and Johnny was bemoaning the loss of a few strands of hair from where Taeil had grabbed his head, they were heading out with a stridently protesting eldest hyung cargo in tow.

“Put me down! Right now! Are you crazy? Listen to me!” 

They plodded past Jaehyun, still on the floor in front of the television (“Don’t ask,” Mark advised him) and then wrestled Taeil into the lift and through the front door of the lower dorm where Mark had to put Taeil’s legs down in exhaustion because he was squirming too intensely. Johnny squared himself and picked a still-struggling Taeil up, slinging him over Johnny’s shoulder to an appreciative though confused audience of Jungwoo, Yuta and Doyoung in the kitchen, and then finally made his way into his room where he deposited Taeil as gently as he could onto his own bed.

Donghyuck stared at this development from his computer chair - Taeil panting with tiny fury on the bed, Johnny eyeing him sternly, and Mark watching in excitement from the door. 

“Don't be a dumbass, hyung,” Johnny told Taeil, and then turned to Donghyuck. “That goes for you too. You _especially._ Don’t be a dumbass.”

“Wha-” Donghyuck barely had time to finish before Johnny was shoving Mark out into the hallway and closing the door on them. 

“The doors lock from the inside!” Taeil yelled in their direction. 

“I dare you to try and come out!” came the answering yell. “I’ll pick you up and throw you back into that room all night if I have to!”

Taeil pressed his lips together in consternation, avoiding looking at Donghyuck who was still staring at him with his jaw dropped. 

“What just happened?” Donghyuck finally managed to say. 

“They want us to talk,” Taeil answered reluctantly. 

“Why? There isn’t anything to talk about,” Donghyuck said. 

“Hyuckie I _said_ not to be a dumbass!” filtered loudly through the door and Donghyuck threw his hands up in frustration. 

“How are they listening in? How can they hear everything?”

“Guess Doyoung hyung next door heard everything we were doing too, then,” Taeil said in a weak attempt at humour, only to bite his lip when Donghyuck went red and turned back to his laptop. 

Taeil closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Hyuckie. We do need to talk.”

“What about?” Donghyuck maintained stubbornly. 

“You and me. Come here? Please?”

Taeil watched Donghyuck’s shoulders tense visibly and then relax before closing his laptop and getting up to sit carefully on his own bed, more than a metre apart. 

Taeil looked at his beautiful boy, a million thoughts running through his head and heart slamming in his chest but no words winning the race for his tongue. 

“I miss you,” Taeil eventually said, because it was true and had eaten away at him for the past few days. “I didn’t realise how used I’d gotten to starting and ending the day with you.”

“You see me every morning before work and before we go home,” Donghyuck muttered. 

“Not like that. I miss going to sleep with you and waking up together. I miss spending time with you.”

“You’re the one who’s been avoiding me,” Donghyuck replied, voice wavering. 

“I know. I’m sorry,” Taeil exhaled. “I think.. I’ve been really stupid.”

“It’s okay,” Donghyuck said, staring at the opposite wall. “It’s fine.”

“I know you didn’t sleep with that American guy,” Taeil said softly. 

Donghyuck turned to him, eyes wide. “Who snitched on me?”

“Johnny messaged me when you got to his room that night, because I’d been freaking out and regretting leaving you behind to go back earlier with the others. But you didn’t want to see me, so.”

Donghyuck chewed his bottom lip. “Sorry for worrying you.”

“What I want to know is why you lied to me.”

The lip chewing intensified. “Do I have to tell you?”

“Please.”

“I don’t think I can.”

Taeil paused and then held out his hand to Donghyuck. “Sit with me?”

Donghyuck stared at Taeil’s proffered hand and got up to plop himself aggressively beside Taeil with a huff, ignoring the gesture. Taeil smiled to himself. 

“Please tell me, baby,” Taeil asked, knowing he was playing dirty by the way Donghyuck exhaled softly at the endearment, but as the seconds ticked past and Donghyuck stayed quiet Taeil realised with a jolt that he was doing the same thing he’d been doing for weeks now; letting Donghyuck take responsibility for everything and putting too much on his shoulders. He was again putting the onus on Donghyuck to put himself out there first, selfishly refusing to acknowledge how stressful it must have been for Donghyuck each time to bare his desires and emotions while Taeil pretended to be a neutral passive party. 

“Okay, then I’ll talk first,” Taeil shifted to face Donghyuck fully and reached to take his hand. “Is this okay?”

Donghyuck lifted large hesitant eyes to Taeil’s, and nodded. 

“I haven’t been very fair to you,” Taeil began, looking at how gorgeous Donghyuck’s silver bracelet looked against the honey skin of his wrist and wanting badly to press his mouth to the pulse point there. “I think - I’ve known how you feel about me for some time already, and as the hyung I shouldn’t have put you in any position where you could have been hurt. But.. you know about me and Johnny. It wasn’t easy for us to get back to being close like we are now, and I blame myself for that. And when I realised that you and I could end up like that too I got scared. Especially when I realised that the one catching feelings this time was me.”

Donghyuck’s head snapped up. “Excuse me?”

“I mean, I thought that - unkindly, maybe, that you’d grow out of your crush on me. That you only like me because I’ve always been here and you don’t really get to spend time with different people, you know? But when I realised I didnt _want_ you to I got so scared. Because I don’t know what it means to be in a relationship when we’ll have to hide all the time. I don’t even know if we’ll be able to tell the others, and I don’t want that for you. I don’t want to be selfish, and I have to be the mature one here.”

“Wait,” Donghyuck said, strained, on the edge of information overload. “You know - you knew - about my crush on you?”

“I’m not dumb, Hyuckie,” Taeil replied. “Sometimes I am, but not _that_ dumb.”

“You’ve known all this while?”

“Maybe I just know you,” Taeil rubbed his thumb over the fine bones in Donghyuck’s knuckles. 

“You knew and you still - said yes when I asked you to sleep together?”

“I’m sorry,” Taeil pleaded fervently, clasping Donghyuck’s hands in both of his. “I can’t believe I did that. It could have gone so wrong and I was just - god, I can’t believe I was so irresponsible.”

“Are you crazy!” Donghyuck yelped. “If you hadn’t said yes we wouldn’t be here right now. And this is about to become the best day of my life, I think?”

“Hyuckie, slow down,” Taeil warned. 

“No,” Donghyuck declared. “I won’t slow down. I refuse to slow down. Right now I want to speed the fuck up and get to the part where you tell me you like me too. Do you, hyung?”

“Yeah,” Taeil said simply, face and heart open. 

“Ohhhh my godddddd,” Donghyuck wailed, falling back on the bed with his hands over his face. “Oh my god. _Oh my god!_ ”

“Hyuckie?” Taeil asked uncertainly, not sure how to react to this. 

“Do you know how many times I thought you maybe felt the same but then you’d shut yourself off and I was like, okay, Hyuck, stop being delusional, and that night that Adrian came to ask me to go to his room I was so sure you were going to tell him to back off _but you didn’t_ and I was so embarrassed and hurt that I wanted to hurt you too but I was also so mad because it was obvious you didn’t want me to go but you seemed so scandalised when he was asking if we were together and then I got drunk and-”

“-you kissed Mark in the cab-” Taeil supplied. 

“-I kissed Mark in the cab- wait,” Donghyuck sat up like a shot. “How do you know about that too?”

“Mark complained you kiss with too much tongue. Apparently that’s my fault.”

Donghyuck opened and closed his mouth, too offended to speak for a moment. “How _dare_ he go around complaining to everybody. See if I ever kiss him again.”

“I’m kind of hoping you don’t,” Taeil said mildly, meeting his eyes.

Donghyuck froze for a second and then blushed extremely prettily, red flowering in his cheeks and over his nose, Taeil melting inside at the sight. 

“Okay,” Donghyuck murmured, docile. 

“Beautiful,” Taeil told him, caressing the back of his fingers over Donghyuck’s cheeks. “You’re so beautiful.”

“You like it when I blush,” Donghyuck leaned into his touch. “Does it remind you of something? Like how I look after I come?”

“Hyuckie!” Taeil hissed. “They could still be listening.”

“Let them listen,” Donghyuck whispered, eyes on Taeil’s mouth. “I don’t care. Kiss me.”

“We still need to talk about what we’re going to do,” Taeil reminded him firmly.

“Later,” Donghyuck said before he moved in, and Taeil was weak, weak, weak.

It had been nearly a full seven days since they’d touched in any way, and getting to taste and breathe Donghyuck in again felt like the thawing of a huge block of ice inside him he wasn’t even aware was there. Blood ran hot in his veins once more as Donghyuck pressed closer, too hungry and urgent for anything sweet and slow. 

“I’ve missed you so much,” Donghyuck uttered between burning kisses. “I thought I would never get to do this again.”

“You just want me for my body,” Taeil told him, holding Donghyuck’s face in his hands and finally kissing over each of Donghyuck’s pretty moles like he’d always wanted to do but was afraid was too obviously romantic. 

“It’s a really hot body,” Donghyuck sighed, turning his face up to happily accept the kisses. “You know why I like you so much? Because everything is so easy with you.”

“You like me because I’m easy?” Taeil drew back. 

Donghyuck scowled at him, physically pushing at the back of Taeil’s head closer again to continue his mole-worshipping. “Because things always feel so right with you. Nothing is hard or complicated, until we decided to fuck things up recently. Otherwise it always feels like we’re meant to be.”

Taeil pressed a kiss, longer than the rest, to the corner of Donghyuck’s mouth. “Are we?” 

“Pretty sure we are,” Donghyuck smiled at him. “We fit together, hyung.”

Taeil and Donghyuck breathed together, foreheads touching. “I still don’t know how to do this, baby,” Taeil whispered.

“It’s okay,” Donghyuck kissed his nose. “We’ll figure it out.”

The door opened a tiny crack, and the top of Mark’s head slowly rose into view. “Hi? All good?”

“You tell me, you’ve been listening,” Donghyuck retorted. 

“We haven’t been able to hear anything for the past five minutes, you’ve been too quiet.” Johnny’s head appeared over Mark’s. “I assumed either you were sucking face or being stubborn again.”

“Sucking face,” Donghyuck told him shamelessly, to a little cheer from Mark and a corresponding embarrassed groan from Taeil. 

“So?” Johnny asked hopefully, coming into the room proper and looking at their joined hands. 

Donghyuck just smiled back, happy, and Taeil smiled too, looking at Donghyuck. Happiness looked so good on him.

“You two are gross. Remember what I said about being best man,” Johnny put his hands on his hips, beaming despite himself. “I love you two idiots. Do you have any idea what you’ve put me through?”

“I love you too,” they replied in tandem, then collapsing together in laughter. 

“I love you three!” Mark piped up, which resulted in Johnny putting him into an affectionate headlock. 

“We love you, Markie,” Taeil assured him as well. “Thank you for enduring Hyuckie’s sloppy kissing technique.”

“Unfortunately for you, these lips from now on are off limits,” Donghyuck told Mark sympathetically. “You will just have to deal with the crushing loss.”

“You don’t know how okay I am with that,” Mark countered. “I have been waiting for this day for a long time. Oh my god, you two are finally together,” Mark squealed. “That’s so crazy!”

Taeil made a face at that and Donghyuck hurried to smooth it over. “Mark Lee, if you can’t be cool about this you will have to be sworn to secrecy.”

“I can be cool!” Mark protested, and Johnny snorted. “I promise!”

“We’re taking it slow,” Donghyuck said, looking at Taeil for affirmation and drinking in the look of gratitude Taeil was sending him. “So just - chill out.”

Johnny groaned abruptly. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Taeil asked, concerned. 

“More being locked out of my own room. _Indefinitely_ ,” Johnny slumped despondently. “Look, I take it back. Break up right now.”

“Um, we can work something out with Yuta,” Taeil began awkwardly. “He knows too.”

All eyes in the room turned to him. 

“He’s just really perceptive, okay?” Taeil said defensively. “He said it wasn’t that hard to put two and two together.”

“Wow, what does that make the rest of us?” Mark mused aloud, and they kindly declined to answer him. 

“Anyway,” Donghyuck cut in. “Everybody out. I want to make out with my possibly-boyfriend-but-possibly-not-because-we’re-haven’t-fully-discussed-what-we-are-yet. Johnny hyung, thank you and I love you.”

Johnny glared as he collected his phone charger and pillow to make the trip upstairs again. “Luckily for me I already cleared up Taeil hyung’s bed earlier, huh?”

“Forward planning!” Donghyuck grinned. “Bye, hyung. Bye, Mark Lee.”

“You should call me hyung too,” Mark grumbled as he was herded out, and with the click of the door they were finally alone again. 

“We don’t have to be boyfriends if you don’t want to,” Donghyuck said quickly. “Or even say we’re together. I just want whatever you want.”

Taeil looked at him, feeling not for the first time that there was something inexplicable in Donghyuck that something in him responded to, a strong sympathy that allowed understanding and acceptance beyond words. He could look at Donghyuck’s face for hours, could talk to him about anything, felt his blood answer the moment Donghyuck touched him. 

“No,” Taeil said slowly. “I think we should always do whatever you want. I’ll be your boyfriend, Lee Donghyuck.”

Donghyuck’s pleased smile was the last thing Taeil saw before Donghyuck tackled him onto his back. 

**

“How do we act in front of the others?” Taeil whispered to Donghyuck sitting next to him on the recording studio’s sofa. “I feel like I’m too self-conscious now.”

“You mean like they’re going to know things are different?” Donghyuck asked. “Watch this.”

Donghyuck wrapped his arms and legs around Taeil, resting his cheek on Taeil’s shoulder. Taeil tensed up immediately before seconds flowed by and nobody batted an eye at them. 

“Huh,” Taeil said, nonplussed. “I guess I should have expected that.”

“Finally!” Taeyong exclaimed suddenly at them from across the room. “You’re back to normal!”

Taeil was about to shrug sheepishly before Donghyuck leaned up and kissed him on the cheek with a loud smack. Taeyong just shook his head at them. 

“I don’t know what you were fighting about before but don’t ever do it again,” Taeyong told them before going back to his lyrics. “It was too weird.”

Taeil looked at a smug Donghyuck, catching Mark’s gleeful eye over on the other couch before Yuta slapped his thigh to make him stop grinning. 

“I don’t think we even need to tell the rest who don’t know yet,” Donghyuck murmured. “They’ll show up to the wedding and totally go along with it without even thinking.”

“Are you saying you want to marry me?” Taeil lifted an eyebrow. 

“If you _don’t_ marry me I’m not sure you’re ready for the lifetime of consequences you will have to deal with, hyung,” Donghyuck told him sweetly. 

“Two days ago I didn’t have a boyfriend and today I have a fiancé?” 

“Isn’t life looking up for you?” Donghyuck smiled. “Congratulations.”

**

“Hyuck! Package for you!” Doyoung yelled out from the living room, and Donghyuck shot off his chair and scampered out of the kitchen, leaving Taeil and the dorm aunty bemused when they saw him run past a minute later to his room, clutching a box. 

“Aren’t you going to finish eating?” the aunty called after him. 

“Yes, I am, imo,” he said obediently, re-appearing a moment later and glowing in a way Taeil had come to associate with great mischief. 

“What did you buy?” Taeil asked around a mouthful of food. 

Donghyuck just grinned. “A few things that are going to make the both of us very happy.”

Taeil stopped mid-chew. 

Donghyuck danced a little in his seat. “I’ve been doing _research_ ,” he said meaningfully. 

“Research, huh,” Taeil said, trying not to smile as he resumed eating. “What about, I wonder?”

Donghyuck hummed. “Safe and comfortable entry into tight spaces.”

Taeil nearly choked on the laugh bubbling out of his throat. “I see.”

“It’s been very informative,” Donghyuck continued quietly. “Because you, hyung, are too lazy and too slow and I will be an old man before you work up to ask me when I want to finally go all the way with you.”

Taeil threw the dorm aunty a look, but she was at the far end of the kitchen noisily washing dishes. 

“I’m _sorry_ that you are too impatient,” Taeil tangled their feet together underneath the table. “Why are you in such a rush? We only just sorted things out not that long ago.”

“You expect me to be around that ass day in and day out and not want to fuck?” Donghyuck said innocently before Taeil tried to shush him manually, fending off Taeil’s hands trying to cover his mouth. Taeil lost because he was giggling too hard. 

“Listen, hyung. I got lube, I got toys. I’m ready to go. What about you?”

Taeil pretended to think. “I don’t know. Maybe I should make you work a bit for _this ass_.”

“Maybe I should go and kiss Mark again.”

“If you want,” Taeil smiled. “Not sure if _he_ wants.”

“Hyung,” Donghyuck whined immediately. “Don’t do this to me.”

“Friday?” Taeil relented in amusement. “We’re done by four, right?”

“Johnny hyung!” Donghyuck yelled immediately, getting up from the table and shouting in the direction of his room. “I have somewhere for you to be on Friday around 5pm!”

“I hate you!” Johnny yelled back.

**

The moment Taeil slipped inside the room and the lock slid shut behind him Donghyuck’s heart started beating even faster. 

“Why am I so nervous?” he said as Taeil took him into his arms. “I’m scared I won’t be able to make you feel good.”

“Impossible.” Taeil kissed him firmly. “Don't worry. Show me what you got?”

Donghyuck made a salacious face at him, going to unbutton his shirt before Taeil bent over laughing. 

“What you ordered, dummy.”

Donghyuck pouted before drawing out the box he’d received from under his bed. He took out and put on his bed three big tubes of KY jelly (“I had no idea how much we’d need. Better too much than too little, right?”) and a set of anal dildos, increasing in size. 

Taeil stared. “You really did do your research. But… neon pink, baby? Really?”

“They’re pretty!” Donghyuck protested. “Imagine how they’d look in me.”

Taeil kept his head down, but Donghyuck saw the tips of his ears go red and silently crowed in victory.

“Would look really pretty in you, too,” Donghyuck said softly, feeling desire heat through him. “I want to see.”

Taeil moved to continue unbuttoning Donghyuck’s shirt from where he’d left off earlier, Donghyuck watching his hands with the breath heavy in his lungs. 

“I want you to see, too,” Taeil murmured, pushing the shirt off Donghyuck’s shoulders before pressing searing kisses to the side of his neck. “I want you to see all of me.”

Taeil laid Donghyuck down in bed once they were both naked and paused, Donghyuck recognising the same wrecked look Taeil briefly wore sometimes the first few times they’d slept together. 

“What is it?” Donghyuck whispered. 

Taeil just shook his head, taking in Donghyuck’s long, lean legs and his miles of delicious caramel skin. “Just don’t know how I got this lucky.”

“Sappy!” Donghyuck accused, blushing in pleasure. 

“You’re so beautiful you ruin me,” Taeil said, reverentially kissing one of Donghyuck’s knees. “What am I going to do?”

“Kiss me, that’s what,” Donghyuck ordered, and Taeil went willingly. 

“Remember how easy it is to hear everything from outside,” Taeil shushed Donghyuck after a rather loud moan, Donghyuck panting into Taeil’s mouth. 

“Wouldn’t it be the easiest way to let Doyoung hyung know?” Donghyuck tried to catch his breath. 

“What if he thinks you and Johnny are fucking instead?”

Donghyuck shuddered. “Boner killer, hyung.”

“Really? Johnny said you asked him to fuck you first,” Taeil said slyly. “Liar, liar, pants on fire.”

“I’m not wearing pants,” Donghyuck said shamelessly, rolling his hips again in emphasis and watching Taeil’s mouth fall open on a silent whimper. “Are you ready, hyung?”

“Yeah. Grab a towel,” Taeil instructed, sitting up to let Donghyuck fetch it as he adjusted himself on the bed, putting a pillow underneath his hips and then the towel over it when it arrived. “We’re going to make a mess.”

“I look forward to it,” Donghyuck murmured, reaching for the lube. “How do you want it done, hyung?”

“Fingers first. Then those neon atrocities.”

Donghyuck snorted. “You’re going to hurt their feelings. Did you and Johnny hyung have toys?”

“Why would you ask me that now,” Taeil asked, pained. “No, we didn’t. We just used fingers and a ton of lube.”

“Don’t you love me for being so prepared?”

“It isn’t a competition, Hyuckie,” Taeil deadpanned. “Shut up and kiss me.”

Donghyuck spread a generous amount of lube on his fingers, and then leaned forward to kiss Taeil as he dipped slowly between Taeil’s legs. He felt the shiver that went through Taeil’s body as the cold lube touched him, just circling and rubbing Taeil’s rim first before sliding up to massage his balls. Taeil sighed into his mouth, kiss turning wetter and sloppier as Taeil’s mind was clearly occupied elsewhere, and Donghyuck lost himself as well in the feeling of slick intimate skin against his fingers.

“One finger first,” Taeil said after a while, spreading his glorious thighs further.

The pillow under his hips helped with the angle, and Donghyuck carefully pressed the tip of his index finger inside Taeil before crooking and twisting it. Taeil gasped, Donghyuck peppering his mouth with shallow kisses and trying to keep himself afloat in the waves of lust that were threatening to overtake him at the small sounds Taeil was making. 

_You trust me so much_ , Donghyuck thought, and didn’t realise he’d said it out loud until Taeil whispered back “I do.”

Donghyuck did what he’d read he should do, slowly moving the finger inside Taeil back and forth. The lube made everything easy, and Donghyuck tried not to lose his mind at Taeil’s tight heat around his finger, imagining how devastating it would feel around his cock. 

“Another one,” Taeil told him, shifting his hips and momentarily clenching around Donghyuck’s finger. Donghyuck gasped, brain going blank. 

“Holy shit,” he breathed. “Hyung, we have to call it off. I’m not going to last two seconds inside you.”

“If you stop now I will never speak to you again,” Taeil announced. “Another finger.”

Donghyuck obeyed, his middle finger slipping inside next to his index and Taeil exhaled, swallowing. Donghyuck maneuvered the best he could, using his free hand to squeeze lube onto Taeil’s cock and rather enjoying Taeil’s full-body shudder he could feel from _inside_ Taeil at the cold contact. Trying to move in tandem, he stroked Taeil’s cock in time with the small thrusts of his fingers inside Taeil and watched Taeil begin to fall apart. 

He pushed deeper, seeing Taeil struggle to remain quiet beyond his gasps and small moans as he twisted his wrist and scissored his fingers like the internet articles had told him to. The world wide web was truly amazing.

“Does it hurt at all?” he asked, concerned. 

“No,” Taeil shook his head. “It’s just - a lot? It’s an overwhelming feeling.”

“Good overwhelming or bad overwhelming?” 

“You’ll see,” Taeil laughed, more air than voice. “Don’t worry, Hyuckie. You’re doing well.”

Donghyuck had measured his cock against his fingers - of course - and while girth-wise he was about the width of two of his fingers, length-wise he was proud to say he was definitely longer than his middle finger, and circumference-wise he was slightly smaller than the middle-sized dildo. All these preparations meant nothing with Taeil starting to sweat, Donghyuck’s mind seizing up at the sight of Taeil’s body swallowing his fingers deep with every thrust inside. 

“What should I do now, hyung? Are you okay?”

“Use one of those,” Taeil told him, eyes closed and breathing through his mouth, whimpering softly when Donghyuck removed his fingers to reach for the middle dildo and to spread lube on it. Jacking the dildo to make sure it was covered in lube almost made his mouth start to water, flooding him with regret that he hadn’t gone down on Taeil before lubing up his cock. 

He added more lube to Taeil’s cock as he lined up the dildo against Taeil, stroking up as he gently pushed forward. The pink of the dildo flattered Taeil’s pale skin so prettily, Donghyuck thought in awe as Taeil shifted his hips with a groan, watching the head of the dildo sink slowly into him. 

“Fuck,” Taeil gasped. “Fuck - Hyuckie.”

Donghyuck redoubled his efforts on Taeil’s cock to distract him until the head of the dildo popped inside, and Donghyuck realised his hands were shaking. 

“Okay?” Taeil asked him, and Donghyuck looked up to see that Taeil was staring at him. 

“Yeah,” Donghyuck swallowed. “You?”

“I’m good,” Taeil answered, strained. “Just give me a moment to get used to it.”

Donghyuck took in Taeil’s sweaty hairline and the sheen of perspiration over his chest, high colour on his cheeks, and felt his cock twitch in desperate interest. He was almost painfully hard without even being touched, trying to ignore the pressure between his legs in favour of making sure Taeil was prepped properly, and he knew fucking Taeil was a lost cause. If he didn’t come the moment he pushed inside Taeil it would be a miracle. 

Donghyuck leaned down, pressing kisses into Taeil’s damp skin. “Can I do anything?”

“Can you move the dildo? Slowly. Angle it upwards.”

Donghyuck took hold of the base of the dildo and moved it in small thrusts, Taeil moving his hips to meet it in a way that made Donghyuck’s mouth go dry. He fucked Taeil slowly with the dildo, trying to angle it upwards as Taeil had asked, and out of nowhere Taeil suddenly grabbed his arm, thighs and stomach tensing. 

“Right there,” Taeil gasped. “Try to remember this angle, baby, when you’re inside me, okay? Fuck, I forgot how good this feels.”

Donghyuck moved the dildo a few more times in the same angle experimentally, watching Taeil’s cock throb and grow harder as Taeil dug his fingers into Donghyuck’s thigh. 

“Baby, baby, stop, please,” Taeil panted. “I don’t want to come yet.”

Donghyuck gulped, shelving away a reminder for himself to fuck Taeil like this one day. “Do you want me to-” Donghyuck stopped, physically overwhelmed and not sure he could move with how turned on he was. “Now?”

“Please,” Taeil breathed, closing his eyes and pressing his head back into the pillow as Donghyuck slowly drew out the dildo and sat it on the edge of the towel. 

He’d been right about the mess - the towel was almost soaked through with lube, and it was about to get even worse as Donghyuck kneeled between Taeil’s spread legs and squeezed more onto his cock. The sinfully wet slide of his hand against his shaft as he coated himself with it made his thighs tremble, making him have to stop and grip the base of his cock until he could get himself under control.

“You okay there?” Taeil asked, sounding tickled as he hiked his knees further back to open himself up more for Donghyuck. 

Donghyuck just gave him a look of suffering. “I apologise in advance if this is over pathetically fast.”

Taeil smiled at him, so fond it made Donghyuck’s heart hurt. “Don’t worry about it, okay?”

Donghyuck nodded and took a deep breath, steadying himself with his clean hand on one of Taeil’s knees as he positioned his cock and pushed in slowly. Taeil’s tiny gasp reverberated throughout his brain as Taeil’s body took him in, centimetre by centimetre, and Donghyuck struggled hard to breathe evenly. 

“God, hyung,” Donghyuck whimpered, unsure if his whole body was shaking or they were just experiencing an inconvenient earthquake. Mouths and hands couldn’t compare to this - how utterly tight and hot Taeil’s body was as it swallowed him eagerly. He couldn’t tell whose moans were whose as he finally slid all the way in and stopped, arms holding him up over Taeil nearly giving way at the mindbending feeling of being inside Taeil. 

He only realised he’d screwed his eyes shut when Taeil called out to him softly, sounding as wrecked as he felt. 

Opening his eyes to see Taeil, flushed and perfect underneath him as Taeil’s body fluttered around his cock was probably one of the most amazing sights he’d ever have the privilege to see. Taeil tugged him down closer, Donghyuck trying not to collapse totally on top of him as Taeil nudged his mouth closer to Donghyuck’s ear. 

“Fuck me good, baby,” he whispered. 

Donghyuck nearly came right there and then as he clenched his fists, drawing back slightly to glare in accusation at Taeil who just laughed prettily as if he wasn’t trying to drive Donghyuck completely crazy. Taeil finally took pity on him, reaching down to hold Donghyuck’s hips steady as he rolled his in tiny movements to get Donghyuck used to the sensation of being inside someone for the first time, Donghyuck feeling every jolt of desire and pleasure right down to his toes. 

When he thought he could finally move without embarrassing himself, Donghyuck tried to angle his hips upwards, adjusting himself against Taeil so he could try to hit that spot within him that had Taeil cursing out loud before. He started with shallow thrusts first, Taeil moaning in approval and encouragement, every new angle and movement making fireworks go off in Donghyuck’s head. 

He just hoped he didn’t look too loopy from Taeil’s perspective, mouth hanging open and face strained as he tried his best not to shoot off inside Taeil like he’d been dying to do since the moment he’d entered him; not without making him feel good first.

“You can go harder,” Taeil gasped, grasping Donghyuck’s biceps and holding on. “Don’t worry about me. I want you to come.”

Donghyuck grit his teeth and tried one last time, thrusting up into Taeil, and was rewarded for his perseverance by Taeil clenching hard around him and a shocked moan falling from his mouth.

“Oh, god,” Taeil panted. “You feel so good.”

Donghyuck kept the angle and let go, the delicious pressure building almost instantly in his groin as he fucked Taeil and chased his own release, every single millimeter of friction and sensation stealing his breath at how good it felt. Taeil reached down between their bodies and desperately jerked himself off, Donghyuck not knowing if his erratic thrusts were still hitting Taeil’s sweet spot and unable to ask as language was beyond his reach at the moment. 

“Hyung,” Donghyuck gasped, as if a prayer. “ _Hyung_.”

“Come inside me,” Taeil pressed a fervent kiss to Donghyuck’s mouth as his hands moved to Donghyuck’s ass, pressing him deeper with each thrust. 

Donghyuck moaned brokenly, buried inside Taeil, and felt his orgasm slam into him so hard he lost track of a few seconds before he came to himself again, still coming inside Taeil in long spurts. He relaxed by degrees, his brain function also coming back to him at the same slow rate as he finally spent himself, before doing his best to move carefully off Taeil on shaky limbs so that Taeil could lower his legs and give his back a break. Donghyuck blinked stupidly, only now noticing the ropes of come on Taeil’s own stomach. 

“When did that happen?” he murmured, moving the pillow so Taeil could rest his hips on the bed as Taeil grabbed at the towel to keep it underneath him. 

“While you were unavailable for comment,” Taeil said, grinning satedly. “Also you were so loud I think we’re going to have to have a very uncomfortable talk with Taeyong and Doyoung after this.”

Donghyuck made a noncommittal sound, unable to find it in himself to regret his choices after an orgasm like that.

“You’re amazing,” he whispered, marvelling his hands over Taeil’s thighs and hips. “How are you so amazing?”

Taeil stretched, gorgeously lazy and languid as Donghyuck began to kiss every part of him that was in reach, making him laugh when Donghyuck kissed the sensitive skin behind his knee. 

“We still have two more firsts to discover,” Taeil told him, his voice catching in his throat as Donghyuck, mesmerised, gently bent Taeil’s knees back to watch his come slowly spill out of Taeil’s body. “I was thinking of booking us a hotel for our joint birthday.”

“Birthday sex marathon?” Donghyuck grinned, trailing a light finger down between Taeil’s legs and making him shiver. 

“Will you be my first time, Lee Donghyuck?”

Donghyuck crawled up Taeil’s body, hoping Taeil could see the adoration written all over his face. “And second, and third, and hundredth, and thousandth, and-”

Taeil leant up to kiss him, running loving fingers through his hair. 

“Can’t wait.”

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY this part took so long but real life interfered in a huge way. i should rename this fic to 'mostly indulgent dialogue and johnhyuck being adorable' but. holy shit over 30k what was i thinking?? 
> 
> thank you so much for all the nice comments on part one, i never expected response like this ;; i've already got the next hyuckil fic planned (ahem pacrim) so come talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/haetsalmoonbit) or [cc](https://curiouscat.me/haetsalmoonbit).


	3. epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UMMMM SOOOO because i'm obsessive and can't leave things alone, here you go. hyuckil's first time switching. also, because i'd be too remiss to forget this: thank you so much to sarah and danie. you girls are both geniuses and i'm so honoured that i get to see the magic happen.

“Swanky!” Donghyuck cooed, sweeping into the hotel room when Taeil opened the door for him. “Oh my god, look at this bathroom!”

Taeil leaned against the bathroom doorway and grinned at him getting excited over the huge rain shower and luxury toiletries, following him around with his eyes until Donghyuck stopped with one hand on the porcelain lip of the bathtub and one over his heart. “Do you know how badly I wanted to spend time with you in our bathtub in America?”

“Spend time?” Taeil raised an eyebrow, still grinning. 

“I mean it,” Donghyuck pouted, stroking the gleaming white curve. “I wanted to soak with you in it and hear you sing. Would have been heavenly.”

“We could both sing together later,” Taeil murmured, coming close to nestle under Donghyuck’s ear and leave tiny sweet kisses on his neck. “I want you to sing for me with your pretty voice.”

Donghyuck smiled as he basked in the glow of Taeil’s affection, feeling his heart bloom big and warm within him. It was a common feeling these days. 

“Deal. Now don’t distract me,” Donghyuck mock-scolded, taking out his phone and beginning to bustle around filming the room. 

“From what?” Taeil laughed, following him as Donghyuck floated happily into the main part of the room, continuing to film the huge bed and elegant sitting area before turning the camera to himself and acting cutesy. 

“From making Mark Lee jealous,” he said, ending off with an annoyingly loud kiss into the camera and sending the video file by kakao. 

_6.52pm - about to get fucked xoxoxoxoxo don’t miss me!!!! hyung and i will be back early tmr_

“What exactly about this would make him jealous?” Taeil asked, snagging Donghyuck by the waist. 

“Hmm,” Donghyuck pretended to think. “Being spoiled by my gorgeous sweet boyfriend for my birthday with a beautiful hotel room and lots of wild sex?”

“Even if we can’t actually do this on your real birthday and can only stay one night?” Taeil nudged Donghyuck backwards to the king-sized bed. “Even if the sex is not as wild as you’re hoping?”

“As long as you’re naked with me in the same room I consider it wild,” the back of Donghyuck’s thighs hit the bed and he plopped down on it, spreading his legs so Taeil could stand between them. “As in beyond-my-wildest-dreams. You don’t _understand_ , hyung, how unbelievable this is to me still.”

Taeil cupped Donghyuck’s face, smoothing his thumbs over Donghyuck’s cheekbones gently. “Me too, honestly. But I hope you get used to it. I don’t really plan on going anywhere.”

Donghyuck tugged Taeil down to meet him in a deep kiss, as if physically feeling him would help make it more real. In all seriousness, being with Taeil hadn’t changed anything much - just that sometimes when Donghyuck turned to Taeil for one of his mid-whatever-activity looks of love he found that Taeil was already looking at him the same way. He didn’t have to just dream about kisses now, and he knew exactly what it felt like when he declared his unending love and attraction and Taeil _said it back_. Everything else was the same - the support and laughter and ridiculous things they talked about that nobody else could really understand - just that he got to laugh and talk with Taeil _naked_ now. Though to be fair, not much talking happened when they’re naked.

“Are you excited?” Taeil whispered, and Donghyuck tried to play it cool; he really did, but his frantic nodding kind of gave him away. 

“So am I,” Taeil told him, and this was what threatened to unhinge Donghyuck completely. It’s not just a one-way gift this time, but something new they’re both discovering together. “Remember, if you don’t like it we don’t have to go through with it.”

“I want to know what it’s like,” Donghyuck kissed him one more time. “Don’t worry. I promise I’ll tell you what I’m feeling.”

“God, why am I more nervous now than when we were doing everything else?” Taeil ran his hands through his hair. “I really want this to be good for you. It’s not always easy the first time.”

“It’s cute you’re this worried about me but I’ve done my research, remember?” Donghyuck reminded him loftily. “Relax, hyung. I’m not going to break.”

Donghyuck all but dragged Taeil up the bed with him, Taeil laughing at his impatience, and continued to smile into the hungry kiss Donghyuck pressed to his mouth as they shed their clothes slowly. The moment when the last piece of clothing was shed and bare skin met bare skin was always thrilling, and Donghyuck sighed as he pulled away, stretching against Taeil contentedly. 

“Why are you smiling, hyung?” he asked, unable to see or hear anything that wasn’t Taeil. 

“I’m just happy,” Taeil whispered, pushing Donghyuck’s fringe out of his eyes gently, always so gently. “Everything just feels so.. right.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” Donghyuck reached up to entwine their fingers and bring their hands to his mouth. “I told you we fit together.”

“Happy early birthday, baby.” Taeil propped himself up on one elbow and dropped a kiss onto Donghyuck’s collarbone, then the middle of his chest, licked one nipple just to feel Donghyuck shiver, and continued his way down connecting the dots of Donghyuck’s constellation of moles all over his body.

“I like where this is going,” Donghyuck murmured, as Taeil kissed just above where Donghyuck’s cock lay, half-hard on his stomach. 

“Turn over,” Taeil told him instead, Donghyuck making a small displeased noise as he moved. Taeil just snorted softly, kissing the two irresistible dimples in Donghyuck’s lower back just above the swell of his pert little ass as they were presented to him.

“So pretty,” Taeil said, voice low, as he ran his hands over Donghyuck’s ass and thighs, marvelling at the beauty of Donghyuck’s honey skin. “You’re good enough to eat.”

Donghyuck just wiggled his ass at Taeil, who grabbed one cheek in amusement to make him stop. “You want me to eat you out, baby?”

“As if that’s even a question,” came the insolent answer, half-muffled from where Donghyuck had his face in a plush hotel pillow, and Taeil released the ass cheek in his hand to smack it lightly. 

“Behave yourself.”

“Or what?” Donghyuck asked, sitting up a bit and looking over his shoulder innocently. “You’ll _punish_ me, oppa?”

Taeil groaned slightly. “I just had a really weird reaction to you saying that. Half of me wanted to laugh at you but at the same time I swear my dick just got harder.”

“I knew you liked me calling you oppa,” Donghyuck crowed triumphantly, laying himself down again. “You’re going to regret telling me this.”

“I already do,” Taeil complained. “Pass me a pillow.”

Donghyuck sweetly gave him a pillow from the pile on the bed and lifted his hips for Taeil to slide it under, grinding immediately into the softness. 

“Mmm,” Donghyuck moaned softly. “If only you could suck me off while fucking me.”

“You would come in two seconds,” Taeil said absently, pushing Donghyuck’s thighs apart and ignoring the pout he could _hear_ from Donghyuck. “And where would be the fun in that?”

He kissed the bottom of Donghyuck’s spine, and lower, and lower, and lower, stopping just before Donghyuck’s rim and feeling Donghyuck’s hushed anticipation in the air, waiting an extra beat just to tease. The moment he knew Donghyuck was going to get restless he put his mouth to Donghyuck’s rim and _sucked_ , licking across in a wide stripe and relishing the choked moan he got in response. 

Taeil licked firm and fast, soft and slow, pressing inside Donghyuck with his tongue and thrusting as well as he could, thankful that hotel walls were soundproofed so well because Donghyuck was quickly falling to pieces and moaning the house down. Donghyuck was so sensitive - the lightest touch on his nipples or between his legs was enough to produce a reaction and Taeil found it unbearably hot. He knew that Donghyuck’s face was flushed by now the way he loved and found so sexy - the rosy blush across Donghyuck’s cheeks and nose just looked so gorgeous on him and Taeil loved that he could easily put it there with his mouth and hands. 

“Hyung,” Donghyuck whimpered, pushing his hips back for more until Taeil had to grab his ass and hold him down in place. 

“Do you want my fingers, baby?” 

“Yes,” Donghyuck moaned, trying to shove a hand down between the pillow and his cock to touch himself. They’d done this a few times, Taeil fingering Donghyuck until he was trembling, cock red and leaking until Taeil took Donghyuck’s pretty cock in his mouth to taste him and swallow his release, two fingers still working inside Donghyuck. Donghyuck was always completely useless afterwards. 

Taeil left momentarily to get the lube out of his overnight bag, watching Donghyuck move his hips as he rubbed himself against the pillow, no shame whatsoever. 

Taeil lubed up his fingers, trying to stop himself from being impatient. He knew it would feel amazing for him when he finally sank into Donghyuck, but the important thing was making it feel just as good for Donghyuck taking him for the first time.

Taeil watched Donghyuck’s body suck in one finger as he slowly pressed inside, Donghyuck letting out a mewl that went straight to Taeil’s cock. Donghyuck always felt like he was burning up on the inside (“Hellfire from where you came from,” Taeil had told him once, Donghyuck just winking scandalously at him) and today was no different as Donghyuck tried to fuck himself on Taeil’s finger when Taeil was too caught up in his thoughts to move it immediately. 

One finger was quickly followed by a familiar second, and then, hesitantly, a third - this was the most Donghyuck had taken so far, and Taeil kissed down Donghyuck’s back to soothe him through the burn, encouraging him to rut into the mattress with his other hand on his hips to take the edge off. 

“Tell me if you’re not okay,” Taeil murmured, going as slow as he could. “Tell me if it hurts.”

Donghyuck took deep breaths. “Keep going. It’s - it’s not fun. But keep going.”

Taeil massaged Donghyuck’s thighs and butt with his free hand, fingering him slowly and gently as Donghyuck adjusted to the stretch. 

“If only you could see yourself from this angle,” Taeil told him, smoothing his hand over one perfect buttcheek. 

“Hot?” Donghyuck asked, voice strained. 

“So hot,” Taeil answered, thrusting with his fingers softly as he reached down with the thumb of the same hand and rubbed Donghyuck’s perineum soothingly. “Does that help? It’s supposed to feel good.”

“I - yeah,” Donghyuck said, edge of wonder in his voice. 

“And this?” Taeil bent his fingers inside Donghyuck towards his thumb and rubbed, searching and waiting patiently until all the tension in Donghyuck abruptly melted away like an ice cream on a hot day. Taeil grinned. 

“Hello, my old friend,” Taeil said, so happy Donghyuck didn’t seem to be in as much discomfort as before. 

“Are you actually talking to my prostate,” Donghyuck muttered, turning his face back towards Taeil, ready to snark more before another wave of pleasure broke over him as Taeil kept going and he forgot whatever he was going to say. Taeil continued to rub at the magic little spot within Donghyuck, watching him pant and grip the sheets as the colour on his face grew even more pronounced. 

“How do you feel?”

“So good,” Donghyuck moaned. “Doesn’t hurt anymore. Body’s still kinda confused why something is going in there when usually things come out but it’s so good.”

Taeil had to laugh, remembering how Donghyuck had described the feeling of being fingered the first time. 

“It’s overwhelming, isn’t it,” Taeil murmured, watching Donghyuck try to catch his breath. “That’s why I like bottoming.”

“It’s intense,” Donghyuck agreed, swallowing. “Now fuck me already. If you don’t get your cock inside me now I’m going to pass out.”

“So dramatic,” Taeil grinned, carefully withdrawing his fingers. “Don’t you want to try with your pink atrocities first?”

“Cock!” Donghyuck demanded. “Now!”

Taeil smacked Donghyuck’s ass again, just to see the tiny jiggle, and picked up the lube. “I think you should ride me. You can control how it feels, how much to take.”

Donghyuck pushed himself onto all fours, stretching his lower back a little like a cat as he waited for Taeil to lie down across the huge bed. Donghyuck took the lube from him, kneeling on the bed with his feet tucked demurely underneath him before squeezing it on Taeil’s cock, watching Taeil watch him with hooded eyes. Donghyuck used both hands to spread it, not breaking eye contact as he stroked Taeil deliciously from base to tip and moved to straddle Taeil’s hips.

“I’ve wanted your cock so bad, oppa,” Donghyuck began, wicked grin on his face as Taeil’s eyes widened in alarm. 

Donghyuck reached behind him to guide Taeil’s cock to his rim. “Oppa, you’re so big.”

“Hyuckie,” Taeil warned, hands twitching hard on Donghyuck’s thighs as he felt Donghyuck sink down slightly on him.

“Oppa,” Donghyuck moaned as he took Taeil in another centimetre, sinful thighs beginning to shake as more of Taeil’s cock entered him. “So big, oppa, fuck.”

“Baby, cut this ‘oppa’ shit,” Taeil told him, voice tense. “You’ve made your point, now stop.”

“Why, oppa?” Donghyuck breathed, voice silky as he lifted his hips a little to feel the slide over the ridged head of Taeil’s cock, the both of them moaning brokenly at the feeling. “Fuck, _fuck!_ ”

Taeil watched Donghyuck, mouth dry, as he slowly took more and more of Taeil, moving his hips in tiny swirls that robbed Taeil’s lungs of all breath. It seemed like forever and also only a moment until Donghyuck was fully seated, the both of them breathless and shaking and unable to look away from each other. 

“This is so-” Donghyuck began, but unable to continue. 

Taeil gently tugged him down, feeling his cock shift inside Donghyuck as the angle changed and Donghyuck shuddered in his arms. Taeil could barely think, the kiss registering as heat and a slick slide of lips, Donghyuck making small sounds into his mouth. 

The ultimate intimacy of being allowed inside someone else’s body like this wasn’t lost on Taeil, and for a moment his heart and throat felt too full to speak or breathe. 

“I love you, Hyuckie,” he gasped out. “I love you.”

Donghyuck looked at him with bright, unfocused eyes, blinking a little. “I love you too,” he smiled, so beautiful he could easily have made Taeil’s heart break. “ _Oppa_.”

Taeil let his head fall back onto the bed, resigning himself to his fate. Here lay Moon Taeil, who tragically died from an oppa kink as his shameless boyfriend rode the hell out of his dick. RIP.

Donghyuck began to move in degrees, experimenting to see what felt the best for him, and it was all Taeil could do to hold on to Donghyuck’s hips and grit his teeth at the soul-destroying tightness of Donghyuck’s body. Donghyuck leant forward and backwards, grinding down in small circles and lifting his hips, finally deciding that leaning down with his hands braced on Taeil’s chest and undulating his hips worked the best for now.

“I like how it feels like this,” he said, panting. “Touch me, oppa, please.”

Taeil moved as if in a daze, one hand closing around Donghyuck’s cock as he ran the other soothingly up and down Donghyuck’s thigh. Donghyuck whimpered plaintively, grinding down on Taeil almost desperately. 

“So full,” he gasped. “So deep.”

“Baby,” Taeil moaned, trying his best to remember how to coordinate his hand on Donghyuck’s cock while his mind filtered out slowly through his ears. 

“On my back,” Donghyuck asked urgently, catching Taeil’s hand on his cock to stop him before scrambling off Taeil. “Please. I want you to fuck me.”

Taeil made sure Donghyuck was comfortable on the bed before leaning over him, guiding Donghyuck to wrap his legs around his waist before pushing in again. Everything now was happening with an intense need to just be inside Donghyuck; Donghyuck urging him on with his heels against Taeil’s back and hungry hands on his shoulders, desperate open-mouthed kisses as Taeil rocked against him and they both groaned helplessly. Taeil pressed his face into Donghyuck’s neck as he moved, feeling Donghyuck rake frantic fingers down his back as he keened with every thrust into him; Taeil, panting, extended his tongue to Donghyuck’s pulse point, tasting salt. 

Heat suffused Taeil - the heat of Donghyuck’s skin, the heat of Donghyuck’s body inside and the intensity of Donghyuck’s moans. Taeil set up a regular rhythm, not going too deep which he felt Donghyuck would appreciate for now until he was more used to this, and felt Donghyuck open up like a flower around him. 

For once Donghyuck wasn’t getting louder and louder, and Taeil raised his head to look down at him.

“You okay?” he asked, dipping down to kiss the roses in Donghyuck’s cheeks. 

“Yeah,” Donghyuck nodded, looking at Taeil with wonder like he was seeing him for the first time. Donghyuck raised a hand to Taeil’s face, stroking softly, and Taeil turned his head to kiss Donghyuck’s palm.

“Beautiful,” Taeil mumbled, overcome with the way Donghyuck was looking at him. “So beautiful.”

“Yeah,” Donghyuck said again, smiling at him. “You are.”

Taeil lowered his head again, feeling Donghyuck’s gasps and sounds mirror his own in the utter delight of knowing it was pleasure shared; that however wrecked he felt Donghyuck felt it too. Taeil held himself up with one arm and reached between their bodies to take hold of Donghyuck again, feeling Donghyuck clench around his own cock with a pleading groan as he began to stroke.

“I’m gonna come,” Donghyuck panted out desperately, barely any time later. “Fuck, fuck, fuckfuckfuckfu-”

Taeil thrust deeper as he stroked harder, Donghyuck coming with a fervent cry all over his own stomach and chest. Taeil watched his pretty cock throb, coming in strong streaks and pulses as Donghyuck tightened involuntarily around Taeil, his orgasm sending tremors through Taeil too as Taeil finally let himself let go. 

With a groan Taeil felt all the way to his toes he emptied into Donghyuck, feeling like he was coming forever as Donghyuck’s own orgasm milked him dry. His cock twitched, hard, inside Donghyuck, Donghyuck taking everything he could give. 

Donghyuck pulled him down onto his body as he let his legs drop to the mattress with a huff, Taeil shifting to make sure he wasn’t crushing Donghyuck. Taeil’s softening cock slid out of Donghyuck with a sensuality that made Donghyuck shiver, wanting to reach down and feel where Taeil was just inside him and already thinking about the next time tonight Taeil could fuck him again.

They lay together for a while, cooling down and catching their breath. Donghyuck obsessively kissed whatever part of Taeil was closest to him.

“Next time on my hands and knees,” Donghyuck declared. “Really give it to me.”

“Next time,” Taeil laughed weakly, eyes closed. “We’ll talk when I regain feeling in my legs.”

“Did you come that hard, oppa?” Donghyuck cooed. 

Taeil opened one eye to glare. 

“I love your cock so much, oppa,” Donghyuck nudged his face against Taeil’s, voice seductive. “You fucked me so good. Your _thick_ cock so deep inside my _tight virgin ass_ -”

“Okay, enough,” Taeil covered his mouth with one hand, only for Donghyuck to try to bite him. “Demonic activities can resume later. Have pity on me for now. Give me a break.”

“Okay,” Donghyuck agreed easily. Taeil looked at him, suspicious. “...Oppa.”

Taeil sat up, hauling Donghyuck up too. “You were saying something about a bathtub?”

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also: 
> 
> “You know, what you said just now sounded like Mark also wants a boyfriend,” Taeil said lightly, getting comfortable and ready to receive an armful of beautiful golden boy. 
> 
> Donghyuck settled onto his chest and gave him a loaded Look.
> 
> “Oh?” Taeil raised both eyebrows. “Really?”
> 
> “I can’t tell you,” Donghyuck whined. “Mark invoked the special duty of best friends to keep each other’s secrets, which he _knew_ would kill me.”
> 
> “You can’t even tell me?”
> 
> “He told me to not tell you _especially_ ,” Donghyuck pouted. “He made me promise.” 
> 
> “Hm. I wonder why?” Taeil smiled slow, searching Donghyuck’s face. “Because I’m close to that person? Or likely to say something to them? Oh my god, is it Johnny?”
> 
> “It’s not Johnny hyung,” Donghyuck shook his head, looking like he was about to explode. 
> 
> Taeil gasped. “Then I think I know who.”
> 
> Donghyuck made frantic meaningful faces at him. “If you guess it on your own it won’t be my fault for telling you anything. Go on. Who do you think it is?”
> 
> “Yuta,” Taeil said, watching Donghyuck break into a wild grin. “I knew it!”
> 
> “Mark says it’s ‘just a crush’”, Donghyuck made sarcastic air quotes with his fingers, “and ‘it’s not that big a deal’ but the way he blushes when Yuta hyung gets flirty is starting to be embarrassing. Though he’s kind of in love with everybody all the time so maybe check back in a week to see if this Yuta hyung thing is still going strong.”
> 
> “Has he ever been in love with me?” Taeil asked curiously.
> 
> “Yeah. About a year ago for a week. I threatened to cut his thumbs off if he tried anything, which just shows how stupid I am because someone else had been doing much more than Mark just sending you gross goopy looks and probably writing gross goopy lyrics about you.”
> 
> Taeil rolled his eyes. “And has he ever been in love with you?”
> 
> Donghyuck frowned. “When has Mark Lee ever not been in love with me? As he should be.”
> 
> Taeil shook his head at his narcissistic baby. “Yuta, huh,” he mused, smiling slightly. “Interesting.”
> 
> “You look like you know something,” Donghyuck asked suspiciously. 
> 
> “Maybe I do, maybe I don’t,” Taeil grinned.
> 
> YUMARK RISE


End file.
